About Me

My photo
Nazareth, Pa., United States

Monday, June 14, 2010

Busted at Panera's

Although I do most of my blogging from my estate here in Nazareth, I like to mix things up now and then. So on Sunday, I gave my servants the day off and headed to Bethlehem's Panera Bread. I love it there. There's fresh bread, lots of electrical outlets for Wi-Fi, fake fireplaces, great views of the real Monacacy and lots of coffee. On the down side, a nice place like that is bound to attract tons of gorgeous women, and I have a rough time letting them all down gently. Yesterday, for example, a beautiful woman in her Sunday best sat only about 25 feet away from me. She pretended to be pecking away on her new smart phone, but it was obvious she wanted me. As she left, she smiled and said, "Bye." I'm pretty sure that was intended for me.

See what I mean?

Despite these distractions from women clearly turned on by my hairy back, I usually can get a lot of reading and writing done. Yesterday was no exception. Having finished early, I went through my youtube routine, doing my weekly search for videos of local politicians. When I finished that, I watched a few videos for fun. I really like Utada Hikaru, a pretty Japanese singer and songwriter who divides her time between Tokyo and NYC. Both of her parents, are classically trained musicians. I have to admit she is sexy.

I was enjoying Utada when some frumpy old bag, with seven hairs on her head, loudly interrupted me.

"Excuse me sir, you'll have to move to the back if you want to watch that."

At first I though it was a store worker and that it must be getting close to quitting time, but she was just another customer, and she was pissed. She shrieked, "You're watching naked women. Don't you realize there are children here?"

There weren't. I insisted on showing her the video, showing a fully clothed Utada.

"That's still offensive," she shrilly insisted, while others stared at me, mouths open, mango chicken pieces cascading out.

Man, she really made me feel like a dirty old man. But there was no nudity or even partial nudity, so I don't know why she was so worked up.

Maybe I shouldn't have been masturbating.


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I love that Panera Bread too. It's real special. That lady sounds awful.

Anonymous said...

It's not freeloading at Panera!
They welcome WIFI.

Anonymous said...

An employee of Panera's was talking about some homeless guy that customers complained about. he was watching porn on his computer and was asked to leave.

Stay classy Bernie!

Anonymous said...

Masterbating - really? Was that really necessary for this story? Now that mental image is going to keep me awake at night.