Friday, December 26, 2008

Can You Name This Bat?

Traditionally, Christmas has always been a stressful time for me. All year long, I'm a miserable bastard who usually responds to "Good Morning!" with "Fuck you!" So at this time of the year, I usually spend every penny I have, and then some, buying thoughtful gifts for those people who have the misfortune of being in my inner circle.

Not this year. I'm pretty much broke, so the presents are a tad on the chintzy side. My poor son, for example, got a lousy bag of coffee. I immediately started drinking it when I visited him at Osceola Mills. His fiancee did just a little better. She got a chocolate labs calendar and some goofy thing you plug in a socket to make your house smell nice. Women dig that, but it's not exactly a pearl necklace.

I didn't get anything for blogging pal Mike Molovinsky. He's Jewish and, being the considerate person I am, I realize a gift might offend him. Otherwise, I'd probably get him a Rolex or something.

But I did get one half decent present for my grandson - a baseball bat. Now this isn't just any baseball bat. It's a DeMarini Vexxum, baby, a half and half bat with a huge sweet spot and a carbon reinforced handle and taper. Basically, the bat flexes when you swing it.

Naturally, we will perform all the rituals that always accompany a new bat, including a few human sacrifices. But we need to come up with a name, too. Every bat gets one. My grandson's current bats are called Stinger (a very light bat for fast pitchers) and Lil' Red (a gigantic Big Barrel for tourney play).

After looking at this magnificent blue work of art, can you come up with a name?


Anonymous said...

The Blue Max

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Bernie O'Hare said...

Good ones.

Anonymous said...

Blue Meanie..from the Beatles film!

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

Blue Meanie was also a Professional "Rastler" in the Original independent ECW (not to be confused with the MCMahon owned ECW that has it's weekly show for some odd reason on Sci-Fi)

Blue Ball breaker would be my name for it.

Double meaning to that name for those slow on wit.

Anonymous said...

Call it: The bat that Ronny uses to discipline me.

Geoff Brace said...

What's the bat size?


MAR. The name is already on the bat. As in, I mar the opposition.

Or Mars, the God of War. Can be used interchangably: I will hit the ball to Mars.

Enjoy the rituals. Man I miss baseball already. When does spring training start?

Anonymous said...

bernie, that bat cost you a small fortune. unless it was last years model it had to run about 235 +. we buy two to three bats a year for our team and even with discounts ect. it is no simple expense. It's all worth it if we can keep the kids active and off the street corners. Merry Christmas you grinch.

Anonymous said...

I'd vote for Blue Meanie.

Bernie, I know I'm way OT here, but Spike were you an old ECW fan? That was always entertaining!

The Banker

Lighthouse said...

This was on the website of the FBTAA website. I am sure you (or the salesman) was already aware, but send it as an FYI just in case:

"Buying a baseball bat for someone special this holiday season? Please make sure that your bat is not only a good fit for your baseball player but also complies with the new Little League standard. Beginning in 2009, all non-wood bats must be printed with a BPF (Bat Performance Factor) of 1.15 or less."

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

Banker YES!

I was in High School during the rage of Classic ECW. I first stayed up late one night during a blizzard and saw the Snadman, any wrestler who smokes Malbros and downs Buds while wrestling was entertainment and a change from "take you vitamins and drink your milk!"

Loved Joey Styles screaming "Oh my god!"

And I had on tape the barbed wired matches with Terry Funk and Sabu and Mick Folley's barbed wired match as well.

Also loved RVD back then.

I knew it was fake (Outcomes decided before hand) but ECW was very wild and impromtu.

I hate Pro-wrestling these days. Mid to late 90's may have been the best era ever. All three were fun to watch.

Back when being nWo ment something, as did bWo. And ofcourse Austin 3:16 which I pariodied for my senior quote in High School.

Even then I was a bad blogger.

Anonymous said...

Great memories Spike, here's a few more - New Jack jumping out of the balcony onto some poor guy on a table. The Dudley Brothers and their flaming, thumbtack covered tables. Tommy Dreamer / Sandman matches (before they teamed up). Anything w/ Mick Foley and Terry Funk, you have that nailed. And who could forget Francine and Beulah!

I can't remember the exact time frame, but if you're referring to WWE (or F, whatever it was then) / WCW and ECW that's the era that was absolutely the best. It was a damn shame that McMahon bought everything up, that ruined it, I don't watch anymore.

The only good thing McMahon did was when they did "ECW One Night Stand" back in 2005 he let the ECW guys rule - that was a hell of a night!

The Banker

Bernie O'Hare said...


It's a very light, 30" bat with a -12.5 rating. Last year, Dat was swinging a heavier, 29" bat. He can't use the Stealth (made by Easton) bc he does not like the handle. It is too thick. But that's another great bat. What I like about this is that the barrel, which can only be 2 1/4" in diameter, is made that way throughout the length of the barrel. And the thin handle will be good for Dat's hands.


Thanks for that info. I'll look into it. Most DeMarinis are good to go w/ LL.

Believe it or not, I still need to get him 2 more bats. I need a cold weather bat bc the DeMarini will dent in cold weather. I also need a new big barrel bat. After Little League, we go into a few tournament teams where the bigger barrels are allowed. I like them bc they are heavier and give you a better feel for the wooden bat.

Anon 11:07

Nothing to worry about there. dat is playing for two different basketball teams this winter and is toying with the idea of joining a winter baseball league. Just watching those kids wears me out.

Blah Society said...

Bernie - The Vexxum series has been around for a while now. They're good bats.

Lighthouse - Almost every league already has a black list for baseball bats.


Anonymous said...

Who Dat?

Bernie O'Hare said...

Thanks to one and all for the great suggestions. Dat will name the bat on Sunday.

Blah Society said...

"Ol Blue" from A Christmas Story - thought I'd throw it out there!

(But "Blue Meanie" is a favorite, too!)


Anonymous said...

EC F'N W!!!!!

The Banker

Anonymous said...

Not politically correct, however -

"The Enola Gay"

It drops the big bombs!

Anonymous said...

Who "DAT" say Who "DAT".

Sanctifying Grace said...


What did Dat name the bat?

Bernie O'Hare said...


The little stinker has not yet decided but likes Blue Meanie.

Anonymous said...

"DeMarini has landed"

as in the Marines have landed.

Anonymous said...

Any decision yet? I like where he's leaning!

The Banker

Bernie O'Hare said...

Banker, He's leaning Blue Meanie but won't name the bat until he's swung it a few times.

Anonymous said...

Good idea, he's a smart kid. Looks like a great bat but the right way to go is to test it out. Off to the batting cage!

The Banker

Anonymous said...

he must be a good kid cause he doesn't want to give away his new secret weapon.