Monday, November 07, 2011
Buddy Christ Makes His Picks
I've just turned O'Hare into a pot-bellied pig, which was amazingly easy, and zapped him over to the Wicked Witch of West Easton. You won't be hearing from him for awhile, although I let him keep his flip cam. With that moron out of the way, let's get down to biz. I've got lepers to heal and shit like that, so let's get this done.
Northampton County Council, Easton - Give Me a frickin' break? Is there anyone out there who thinks Bob Werner has a prayer against a real, honest-to goodness Reverend like Mike Dowd? And Dowd looks the part, too. He's bald and everything. Dowd's got the Inside track, if you know what I mean.
Northampton County Council, Bethlehem - Who gives a shit what ET Editor Joe Owens thinks? Any dude who pops a Slim Jim right before a 5k is obviously not in his right mind. Ken Kraft, no relation to the cheese company, will win big. He's a Democrat, and that's pretty much all that matters in Bethlehem. He's also a union agent, so he gets more money than a fake preacher on Sunday. Seth Vaughn is gone. Who the Hell names their kid Seth anyway? Could have been worse. Could have been Bernard.
Northampton County Council, Nazareth - Where the hell is Matt Connolly? He's a no-show at the tea party debate, where he might have a few friends. He's raised no money, and in the middle of a campaign, let business properties go up to tax sale. This was Connolly's race to lose, and he did. Better the Devil you know, Lamont McClure, who is missing in action so much that he can't do too much harm. But better to be missing on Council than missing in a campaign.
Northampton County Council, the Hinterlands. - It's different up there. TV reception is bad, so it's either politics or inbreeding. But I love them. Unlike most communities, people in the Slate Belt take the time to find out what is going on. Until Ron Angle was on Council, the Slate Belt was the forgotten District. In 12 years, Angle has turned that around. His opponent, a nice guy, pretty much admits Angle is the better man for the job. Angle will win.
Northampton County Controller. - Barron von Footinmouth will remain in the Controller's seat, but will also be a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Tie him down before he floats away.
Easton Mayor. - Do you even have to ask? Sal is basically running unopposed.
Bethlehem City Council. - The Ds will sweep, thanks to some last-minute smears. I'll deal with Recchiuti in another time, another place.
Allentown City Council. - The Ds should sweep here, too, but Frank Concannon is 91 years old. I'm not sure he'll even last beyond Tuesday. So I expect to see Eric Weiss, who's been knocking on doors, pull an upset.
Allentown Controller. - Although Mary Ann Kowall is a purchasing agent for Allentown and is just an extension of Mayor Pawlowski, she'll win because she's a Democrat and Lou Hershman is not. Lou would be much more independent, but lacks the resources Kowal has to mount a campaign.
Lehigh County Comm'r. - You're gonna' get what you asked for. In the May primary, Lehigh County voters dumped Dean Browning, the most knowledgeable person in local government. In two years, you'll be begging for forgiveness. Scrappleface is coming, along with the wife of a party boss. Vic Mazziotti and Brad Osborne are both level-headed, and will be fine. It's the other two who are going to cause chaos in Lehigh County. If Scrappleface can manage to bankrupt his own party as Executive Director, whatever the Hell that is, imagine the damage he can do with some real money. You asked for it, and are about to get it.
Lehigh County Controller. - Glenn Eckhart has no prayer. I know, because I get them all the time. It's Slonaker.
Lehigh County DA. - Jim Martin in a landslide against an idiot who left the state police under suspicious circumstances and has never tried a case.
Lehigh County Judge. - Reichley will win this. Big. Ironically, it's pretty much because Jim Martin, whom he hates, will bring out a heavy Republican turnout.
Now I gotta' get back to the Sands. I'm on a run.