Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Barron Von Footinmouth Needs A New Tailor

Since it rained like Hell, you might think that Pen Argyl's annual Labor Day parade was postponed. Think again. It's the largest annual parade in Northampton County, if not the Lehigh Valley, and the show must go on. Politicians are there in force, even if they know they're going to get drenched. They use it as an informal gauge of their popularity. It's in Ron Angle's district, by the way, and he certainly has taken a few hits over the last year. But judging from the way the crowd reacted, he's on his way to re-election.

Prior to the parade, Gracedale Goons were hoping for the worst. "[L]ets [sic] see if KING ANGLE gets the unkind reception this year that he got last year at the Labor Day parade in Pen Argyl." Only one of them, Mary Ann Schmoyer, was even there. Considering all their complaints and promises and discussions about billboards and ridding the County of the "tyrant," it was a pretty poor showing.

Angle did get the usual boos. This year, they mostly came from people swilling from beer can insulators supplied by Angle's opponent, Scott Parsons. But Ron tells me this year's reception was actually above average.

Riding in the float in front of Angle was none other than Northampton County's very own Controller, Barron von Footinmouth. He's up for re-election this year, too, and was tossing tootsie rolls to the kids. Maybe he should have worn his kilt. His shirt was too small and his pants were too big. As a result, every time he dipped into the candy bag, another inch of ass crack popped out. I tried to get a shot, but my batteries were dead. Besides, I don't have a wide angle lens.

Now imagine you're some kid, waiting for the candy toss with an umbrella turned upside down so you can get even more. Then imagine that you see Barron von Footinmouth's gigantic ass crack, followed immediately by what look like tootsie rolls. Are you really sure they're tootsie rolls? Neither were the kids, and they just remained on the street until they were hosed into the drains at the end of the parade.

Imagine poor Angle, too. For the entire race, Barron's ass was right in Ron's face. Angle has survived worse, but his son's girlfriend had to be rushed to the hospital and is in critical condition.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Steve is the biggest political embarrassment of the century.

who dat? said...

was johnny casino kissing ass? some say he can't decide between KD's or wee willie's. all norco dem's are losers just like their union backers,

Anonymous said...

Leave it to Barron to expose innocent children to bad crack.

Jon Geeting said...

Wow really? How does a fat slob have any room to make fat jokes about another dude?

Bernie O'Hare said...

Dude, fat dudes are the best persons to make fat jokes. Hey, he has every right to turn off thousands of people with his ass crack. By the way, you were a no-show for the Ashly 5k after stating you would be there. I realize the race is here in the LV, but I thought you might actually be here for once since you hold yourself out as a LV expert.

Anonymous said...

Hillarious!

Anonymous said...

It is obvious that the Barron's better half doesn't dress him. He has about as much class as Larry the Cable Guy. But the image of him tossing Tootsie Rolls to kids while exposing his bubble-gum butt and plumber's crack is a disturbing thought to say the least.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Ron, Jr.'s girlfriend is now in stable condition. "I see tootsie rolls everywhere," she was shrieking before being sedated.

Barron von Footinmouth said...

It was a wonderful parade and I don't appreciate the wise cracks.

And I wasn't throwing Tootsie Rolls, either. I had a hygiene problem that I was trying to address discreetly, until O'Blabbermouth outed me. It's a condition that's much easier to address with my skirt on.

By the way, Tootsie Rolls are scrumptious - and made by the fine men and women of the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers (BCTGM) union. I also know how many licks it takes to get to the chocolaty center of a Tootsie Pop.

Anonymous said...

Bernie you have a great imagination !First of all that maryann schmoyer was not the only one of the goons that attended the parade there was another goon right up from her. We spread out so we could see the reaction in different areas and it was not the best for Ron no matter what you or he say's. And the other that were running for office presented themselfs well.
That is a bunch of bull about steves butt and first of all you should never talk about anyones butt when you sit at the council meetings with yours hanging out all the time, and if you don't belive that I will take a picture of it. And as for parsons supplying anything to people along the way, the only thing he supplied was his election signs to people that wanted them.
He did a great job at least he didn't sit on the back of his float like someone did - he walked and passed his information around.
So Bernie get your information straight we get tired of your lies
and bashing people.
Get a life

Anonymous said...

Those jokes were hilarious... where do you think this stuff up I mean ass crack jokes and poop jokes I bet Leno is dying to book you on the tonight show. Also excellent political analysis personally attacking someone while eluding to your interest in homosexual pornography.

"I tried to get a shot, but my batteries were dead. "

Anonymous said...

7:25 anonymous..."eluding to"...when trying to appear intelligent, at least use correct words.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Barron von Footinmouth,

Thank you for your interesting commentary. It might explain why Angle himself has now been rushed to the hospital. You see, he ate one of the tootsie rolls yesterday. They're pumping Ron out at this time.

Anonymous said...

guess Angle will have to get used to being second in line.

Having viewed the last council meeting video Angle deserves utter condemnation for having stooped to a new low using his public office once again to advance his private agenda. He attacks a lawyer who testified against him in the most recent Angle debacle, you know that judgment thingy for 1 million plus. Angle, as is his style, strikes out like a caged rat. He strings a series of half truths under the guise of being interested in the public good to besmirch the character of a competent hardworking public servant. One who has not been disbarred like yourself. One who has had no discipinary action ever taken against him. One who has more integrity in his little finger than Angle has in his entire being.

Angle is amoral so his conduct is to be expected. You on the other hand still seem to have a faint recognition of a moral compass. Yet, your unwillingness to recognize and acknowledge that Angle is nothing more than a vile, self serving predator leads one to think there is no hope for you as well.

Oh yes, and your report on the Angle surcharge for taking public monies? Too busy researching distorted facts for your mentor?

Truly, it is time to cast out this demonic spirit.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Umm, don't know if you heard, but Ron and I were both exonerated during a hearing before the very judge who ruled against us on Gracedale. He specifically found there was no bad faith by either one of us.

So think about that as you suck on your tootsie roll.

Anonymous said...

Try Upper Mt. Bethel Tshp. a few years ago. Ronnie ordered to pay back about 6 grand. You are just playing dumb.

I know, it was a long time ago. I am sure it was the evil democrats and a senile judge who ordered him to pay the money back.

And the sunshine act violation??? Come on Bernie can we say it "Yes he was found to have violated the Sunshine Act" There, that wasnt so hard was it?

Barney Fife said...

I'll arrest Angle just as soon as I pick up Barron von Footinmouth. He doesn't fit in our holding cell.

Anonymous said...

Was Ron's sons girlfriend wearing any shoplifted jewelry?

Anonymous said...

Now I see why you call yourself a bottom feeder, Bernie.

Anonymous said...

The Express-Times portrays Barron as the fool he is. Because he acted like a child and played politics by trying to "rat out" Stoffa, the County is left paying for his childish antics. He is going to cost the County big bucks on something that was already being handled. I hope the voters send him a message and give him his walking papers. He can't even do his job, yet he cries to the EPA, because he has a beef with Stoffa. Who can we cry to when we have a beef with Barron for not doing what he was elected to do? This guy needs a strong dose of reality.

Anonymous said...

The polls have already been done. Barron will walk into office with a 60-40 edge at worst. Keep dangling those tea baGS, IT IS ABOUT ALL YOU CAN DO.

sTEVE WILL EASILY WIN ANOTHER TERM AND YOU KNOW IT o'hARE. haha!!!!

Anonymous said...

Barron must be right about asbestos, or else Stoffa wouldn't have said 'fines are imminent.'

Stoffa says that Barron should have come through the administration, but who believes Stoffa didn't know about it, and would have gone to the EPA if he had.

Obviously the cat's out of the bag or else someone would have tried to get Dent to pull some strings in Washington to knock it on the head. (Which I'm guessing Charlie would not have done.)

The Express Times editorial crew might have said nasty things about Barron in the past, but Sarah Cassi's story today points the finger squarely at Stoffa and his cronies.

Maybe the Express-Times gang didn't want Stoffa to get into trouble, or the millions that it could cost the county to end up at the feet of the taxpayer - but that's none of their business as journalists (sic). It is a truth game when the facts are on the table and the spinning stops.

This is, no doubt, why they included a poll with today's story asking if the controller did the right thing and, by extension, whether the Express-Times should cover its ass, if it doesn't want to be on the wrong side of the story.

Last time I checked, by better than two to one, the unscientific poll said Barron had done the right thing.

Expect that number to grow, and to translate into a sizeable Barron victory on election day.

Mr. Salversen has just left the building.

Anonymous said...

Stevie Macfidgpacker is playing politics with peoples health. He is nothing but a Callahan wannabe.

Anonymous said...

I may not be a fan of Mr Barron, but he was right in this situation. The Administration knew for YEARS about the problem. Nothing gets done until Mr Barron goes to the proper authorities. Unfortunately, that was the only way anything was going to get done.

Mr Barron may have been using this to his benefit at the polls. But is it any worse than what Administration was denying to the employees/public?

Anonymous said...

Stoffa knew years ago and pushed this under the carpet. Thanks for your help Steve you have my vote. a Gracedale Goon

Anonymous said...

6.46 is typical of the Barron opponents. Make ridiculous, patently untrue, comments, leavened with personal insult, all made to make your opponent look ridiculous. Of course, if you succeed in making your opponent look ridiculous, you lose the moral justification for having him as your opponent.

Not likely to happen with Barron,though, who is looking like a statesman to the county voters (you know, the ones who really matter but who all you rightwingboysandgirls think are an inconvenience and a nuisance in the political process) thanks to the sheer ineptitude, at least, of Stoffa, Angle et al.

Who is playing politics with people's health?

If 99 people see that the sky is blue and you say that it's a swwirling magenta with lemon on top, then you're lucky if they only think you're a weirdy.

The true lunatics, of course, think they're the only ones who are sane.

6.46 is merely an idiot who doesn't realise that in this new light, the more nonsense he throws at Barron the more obvious it is to the voter that he's covering up for Stoffa and Angle. (Bonnie and Clyde, anyone, or maybe The Gang that couldn't shoot straight.)

It has been a masterpiece of disinformation, worthy of the last days of the Kremlin (well, the last two days anyway). Barron's going to come out looking good, senior members of the administration and council are going to look like they failed in their responsibility to the voters (I am categorically NOT saying that they are crooks - but obviously it's not hard to understand why others would think that). So, let's say the dude has an ass crack. That should keep a safe distance between the voters and the truth.

Not this time, Buddy.

Anonymous said...

7:47 sounds like you've had your lips next to the Barron's ass crack. "Statesman"????? In what bizarro world do you live in? He is a political hack who has disgraced his office time and again.

Anonymous said...

As I said, another rightwingfruitandnutjob who, when the electorate disagrees with him, they're all wrong.So much for spreading democracy across the world in all their failed wars, when they hold it in such contempt at home.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Are buttcracks right wing and left wing? Ths is about a slob who has no respect for thousands of people during a parade. You would have been better off sending Jaba the Hut.

Anonymous said...

Or even Jabba the Hutt, who you are obviously confusing with pizza the hut. Now that would be a site for sore eyes. Site, that's the way you spell it, Bernie, right?

Bernie O'Hare said...

No. You must be Barron's buttcrack.

Anonymous said...

Sweet comeback Bern. You got pwned

Anonymous said...

As for butt cracks, Angle's is not any nicer to look at.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I'll leave the buttcrack comparisons to you.