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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Thursday, June 01, 2017

They're Finally Making a Movie About Me

All I can say is it's about time. According to Lehigh Valley Live, Main Street will be closed today, right in front of my estate. The official line is that they are shooting scenes for a movie about - yawn!- the changing role of women in the '60s. But as anyone with any sense knows, it's really a movie about me. Bernie the Blogger is the tentative title. I have no idea who is playing me, but am told it will start with a perp walk by Nazareth's notorious Sticker Gang, in shackles and chains. Poker machines will be part of the plot. I asked for numerous sex scenes, but the Director told me he wanted something people could believe. Free cupcakes will be offered to inconvenienced motorists      

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

A steamy love scene with you and TM is being scripted. Whatever acting talents you have will stretched to the limits.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I'd be rescued at the last minute by ... Oh that's right. Nobody would save me.

Anonymous said...

The sticker goons will come to your aid but since they will be addled by booze and dope, they will get lost on the way there.

JORGE said...

To quote that famous 90's movie "Weekend At Bernie's". AAWWWWWWW BERNIE!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

The Blog?

Honey I Ate the Kids?

Godzilla?

Tommyboy?

Anonymous said...

With Carl Strye directing and Larry Stoudt producing.

Anonymous said...

I have no idea who is playing me..

How about Brad Pitt?

george schaller said...

Bernie, just another bunch of assklowns trying to sell the same old bottle of snake oil for the freekshow that is of national perportion.
I would come to you resque if the pig lady hagg was to try and molest you in any half rate clipp! I allready know the assklowns movie designs that belong on the back midway of years past, that by the way is no longer playing in any venue.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could borrow a popcorn machine to feed the masses

Anonymous said...

Fake News hits the Lehigh Valley

Anonymous said...

WHO COULD PLAY BERNIE THE BLOGGER?
Let's see........if you had a swastika on your forehead, it could be "Charlie Manson". No that wouldn't work cause they won't let him out of Gaol. I know, "Lou Costello"s son", No, he doesn't weigh enough. He only weighs 400 lbs. Don't worry Bernie, we'll find someone. We won't let you down. Okay, I got it. How about New Jersey governor Christie? give him a wiffle like you and it's instant stardom. I know he isn't as handsome as you are but a little make-up goes a long way. With his looks, He could stop traffic in the Holland tunnel, with your looks, you could stop the mules on the Lehigh Canal ride.
We love ya Bernie

PippySqueek said...

So that's why I saw George Clooney this morning in the area....

Bernie O'Hare said...

Your check is in the mail, Pippy.

Anonymous said...

I knew something was up in Nazareth when I saw Rosie O'Donnell and Scarlett Johansson. The movie guy told me they were shooting,"Bernie and Trish, a Love Story". Can't wait to see it.

Anonymous said...

Saw ya buddy, Ed Degrace, today. Is he going to be in your movie?

Anonymous said...

@1:41Yes one of the plot threads will be an homage Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men." In a bit of typecasting, Degrace will be playing the big retard "Lenny."