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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Coroner Zach Lysek MIA

Northampton County Coroner Zach Lyesek, known for asking everyone he meets how they're feeling, has been missing for several weeks. He was last seen in the company of Bethlehem Attorney Jim Broughal. The two were apparently headed to see Lysek's brand new 16-slice body scanner. Lysek had been telling everyone that Broughal looked a little pale.

"I treated him like the Viet Cong," said Broughal, a decorated Vietnam War veteran. "Coroner Cong."

Though asked to open a missing person investigation, DA John Morganelli refused. "Nobody liked the guy," said the prosecutor. "Every time he saw me he was checking my pulse."

Lysek is also known for sickening  the entire County Council with very graphic descriptions of what he does.

If you see him, pictured above, you are asked to do nothing.


Anonymous said...

I hope when it is your time Bernie, he takes embarrassing posed pictures of you and puts you in an used bag. Now that is respect earned.

Bernie O'Hare said...

He's already done that, but I was just sleeping and escaped.

Anonymous said...

Bernie, to hell with the pulse check because the heartless don't pump blood, worry when he try'z to tag your toe!

K Mary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
K Mary said...

Morgue humor. I especially enjoy the dead pan delivery. Snark snark.