Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Rebranding John Morganelli

Rudiger Lyle Martinez
During daylight hours, he's your typical Northampton County courthouse worker. But once that clock hits 4:30 pm, Rudiger Lyle Martinez is out the door and working on his second job as a rising political pundit. In a rare interview yesterday, he told me that, had John Morganelli listened to him, he'd be Attorney General today. "Instead, we're stuck with Not-so-Sharpiro," he laments. So what would he do?

"It's no longer Morganelli. It's J-Mo.And everything he does should end with #J-Mo. Everything he does. Speeches. Briefs. Court appearances. Grand Jury indictments. All should end with #J-Mo. He should also send a letter to #J-Lo calling her an inspiration, and this should get him the Hispanic vote even as he's deporting them."

What about Twitter?

"Absolutely! We millennials love that shit. He should say outrageous things like 'I would have nailed Cosby -#J-Mo,' or 'Our so-called judges suck - #J-Mo.' Boom! His positives will shoot up."

Though no one has hired Rudiger, he claims all his computer models prove that #J-Mo would take out Governor Wolf if the DA just started using the hashtag. He also claimed that Judge Giordano would easily win the Superior Court race if he started referring to himself as "#G-Man."

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like area goof. Why are you promoting this clown?

Anonymous said...

Well there you have it Bernie. You will hit the top rung on the blogging ladder, you just have to start calling yourself #BO Man or maybe even better call yourself
#BM Man....short for body odor or bowel movement. Better yet we could call you the walking BOMB. That takes in the BO and the BM and simply rearranges the letter. Yeah, I kind of like that. Here comes Bernie the walking talking BOMB. You are one sick dude.

Doh Biden said...

Bernie needs a young malleable protege to help take local political blogging to the next level, Geeting and Stolz didn't work out but this young man has what they don't and that's #SWAGGER and a sweet wispy hipster/jihadi beard.

Roger Stone was a young political wunderkid and our young Rudiger could easily do the same with his GOAT skill set, imagine the two of you filing stories late at night in the hot musty confines of your poorly lit hovel near midnight on a moonlight August night things could get more bromantic than that Brokeback Mountain flick.

Anonymous said...

And YOU want to decide who belongs in a mental institution? Ha ha. Lovely little article, then.

Anonymous said...

"I would have nailed Cosby -#J-Mo"

J-mo was 8 years old when Bill Cosby committed the offense of paying for the microphone for Martin Luther King's "I have a dream speech", who at the time was the most hated man in America.

How many people know Bill Cosby paid for that microphone? Since then his son was killed and his good works and legacy destroyed.

Anyone who thinks a rich guy, black or white, has to drug a woman to get sex at the Playboy Mansion doesn't understand the country they live in.

Something tells me this fella should keep that day job.