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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Friday, March 14, 2014

Thank God for Assholes


A lot of you have taken offense at my recent stories about Upper Mount Bethel, where Ron Angle plans to spread Class A shit on his farmlands.  My fascination with flatuence and commendations of crap have turned some of you off. 

Tough shit.

I'll have you know that shit was the main topic on the rarified FM airwaves of NPR's "Fresh Air" on Friday. 

"I don't think I'm strange," author Mary Roach told host Terry Gross. Among the interesting facts learned:

1) Our assholes are amazing! The anus is full of all kinds of muscles and nerve endings. That enables it to make sure we don't shit ourselves when we fart.

2) Hell hath no fury like a woman's fart! That's right. They stink so bad that Assad should bottle it next time he wants to launch a chemical attack. In fairness, I should point out that we men fart more often. 

3) The rectum is a suitcase! Anyone who has spent time in the slammer knows this. They like to shove tobacco up there, although the more resourceful can fit anything up there, from cell phones to eyeglasses. I hope they turn the phones off! This practice is called hooping.

4) Both Gross and Roach love the Mutter Museum in Philly, which has cadavers, the Mega colon and even bracelets made out of artificial hemorrhoids. At least I think they're fake. 

So this Summer, I plan to organize a bus trip to the Mutter Museum. Should be a great place to take the kids.

Source: http://www.npr.org/2014/03/14/290095438/in-digestion-mary-roach-explains-what-happens-to-the-food-we-eat

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

You and Angle are by far the shit experts. Ron Angle has made spreading shit his life's work.

Anonymous said...

Can you add a poll to your post and ask the question: Do you think that I (you) am an Asshole?

Let the voters decide!

Obviously not that you care what people think about you but would be nice to confirm... or not!

Anonymous said...

I personally find your shit slinging stories to give gut busting laughs? Now you should work this name in your next post into the shit slinging stories?

THE observer said...

Bern the mutter is a fascinating place especially the drawers with things surgically removed from the body!!

Anonymous said...

I hope people get sick and Angle gets sued

Anonymous said...

www.ronangleslate.com

Bernie O'Hare said...

2:13 is wishing illness on others and misfortune on Ron. 2:13 is already sick.

Peter J.Cochran said...

Bernie as a MUTTER of fact I just got an E- Mail from an Air force officer wanting me to donate to his new charity. They want to hire Malaysian pilots to fly Air Force One, is this legitimate?

Bernie O'Hare said...

2:34, I see you used pictures I took without my permission. You also acted very much like someone who is used to posting pics of nasty stuff on the net, like you did when you were posting pics of your weenie. This appears to be a race between gay pee pee flashers (not that there's anything wrong with that) and Republcans who do all kinds of volunteer service for the community and churches. All you need now is for Ronnie del Wacko to burn a few books while Mezzacapps threatens to kill another official. Carry on.

Anonymous said...

Hoping people get sick so someone gets sued? How sick are you????
Yes there is something wrong with posting certain body parts...the one who does it is a sicko too. Thank God it's a rarity.
These rats are not going to beat the others. They have far too many extreme members. That just doesn't sell well...
It's pretty close between a D and one of them. Neither would be my choice. .

Anonymous said...

Hoping people get sick so someone gets sued? How sick are you????
Yes there is something wrong with posting certain body parts...the one who does it is a sicko too. Thank God it's a rarity.
These rats are not going to beat the others. They have far too many extreme members. That just doesn't sell well...
It's pretty close between a D and one of them. Neither would be my choice. .
Bernie why do the haters blog here? Especially when they hate you?

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what that rant is all about but you seem to have been very impressed by these photos. You won't shut up about them even though you say there's nothing wrong with that.

Bernie O'Hare said...

What's wrong about those photos is they were stolen from me and used without my permission. So in addition to being rats, you are thieves.

Don Moore said...

This was a great show. When I heard them talking about assholes, I immediately thought of you Bernie.

Ms. Roach has quite the since of humor when speaking about farting and her digestive system preparing shit for expulsion. You glossed over the anus I believe. In comparing my notes with yours, she explicitly lauded the anus' unique ability to police the passage of liquid shit, solid shit, and gas. I didn't see you mention liquid shit, and after all, that is one of the most hazardous kinds of shit.

A fellow teacher once invited me to chaperon students on a biology class trip to the Mutter Museum. That is one odd place. I seem to remember their holdings include things like Teddy Roosevelt's spleen or some such thing. Or maybe it was his penis. And the skeleton of the tallest man. Or one of the tallest. That is some strange shit. I don't recall anyone's colon on display.

Awesome post Bernie. You continue to exceed expectations when it comes to shit.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Why thank you. I appreciate your summary of the amazing anus. Also loved how Ms. Roach discussed "letting it fly, depending on the crowd she is in.

I think I really will organize a bus trip to Mutter Museum this Summer, starting from the Slate Belt. Maybe we'll stp at the Easton and Bethlehem waste treatment plants along the way for a tour.

Anonymous said...

I would like top contribute to the "Ron Angle Asshole Museum".... where do I donate my turds?

Anonymous said...

Honestly, As I see folks that troll on LVL blog..... like tag4 (Im a lazy turd and have nothing to do with my life then be a troll-.....perhaps they can put some energy into good things then being trolls-

Bernie O'Hare said...

Save them for now. We'll be in touch.

Anonymous said...

I've farted!

And I can't get up!!!

Peter J.Cochran said...

And like the county employee that thinks ----that I'm stupid. I'm slow not stupid He is a turd , he will not use his name as being a coward and id obviously threatened by my additions to this blog. I will engage myself to seek out this troll next negative disgusting post. We will see what he is made of. OLD PETER

Bernie O'Hare said...

Peter, that troll is not a county employee.

Don Moore said...

"Also loved how Ms. Roach discussed "letting it fly, depending on the crowd she is in."

Agree. She chuckled as she said that! This is a man's woman for sure. Not afraid at all to talk shit, and I bet she's be a wonder at extracurricular extensions of classroom theory.

Bernie O'Hare said...

... and quite attractive as well.