Friday, March 14, 2014
Thank God for Assholes
A lot of you have taken offense at my recent stories about Upper Mount Bethel, where Ron Angle plans to spread Class A shit on his farmlands. My fascination with flatuence and commendations of crap have turned some of you off.
I'll have you know that shit was the main topic on the rarified FM airwaves of NPR's "Fresh Air" on Friday.
"I don't think I'm strange," author Mary Roach told host Terry Gross. Among the interesting facts learned:
1) Our assholes are amazing! The anus is full of all kinds of muscles and nerve endings. That enables it to make sure we don't shit ourselves when we fart.
2) Hell hath no fury like a woman's fart! That's right. They stink so bad that Assad should bottle it next time he wants to launch a chemical attack. In fairness, I should point out that we men fart more often.
3) The rectum is a suitcase! Anyone who has spent time in the slammer knows this. They like to shove tobacco up there, although the more resourceful can fit anything up there, from cell phones to eyeglasses. I hope they turn the phones off! This practice is called hooping.
4) Both Gross and Roach love the Mutter Museum in Philly, which has cadavers, the Mega colon and even bracelets made out of artificial hemorrhoids. At least I think they're fake.
So this Summer, I plan to organize a bus trip to the Mutter Museum. Should be a great place to take the kids.