Tomorrow is the first day of turkey hunting season, and Jerry Seyfried will be out there. So stay home. He can only go after bearded birds, so if you shave, you should be ok. As most of you know, we turkeys are vicious serial killers. I will be out all night setting up snares and staked pits for the fools who will be out there tomorrow.
After we catch someone, we tie him down and force him to listen to Justin Beiber tapes all night.