Thursday, March 14, 2013

Stolz Running For Emmaus Mayor To Protect America

Most people pass through life like a cloud. You don't even know they've been there until they've faded away. But every now and then, a sharp bolt of lightning livens things up for everyone. Julian Stolz is one of those lightning bolts. He's running for Mayor in Emmaus. He's also running for Borough Council. That way, he can veto his own resolutions.

Though he lives in Emmaus, he still sometimes comes to Northampton County Council meetings. I met him when I first started blogging and he first became an East Penn School District Director. He's managed to piss off just about everybody over this time, so I like him. I may disagree with him on just about everything, but we bastards have to stick together.

He calls his bid for Mayor a "lifelong dream," but it hasn't been a long life. He's about 12 years old. He claims his "devotion to the cause of Liberty and the Constitution demanded that I step into the ring." He talks like that and even sleeps in a three-piece suit.

He's taking on Winnie Iobst because Hizzoner has signed onto Mayor Mike Bloomberg's Mayors Against "Illegal" Guns coalition. Now, I think Julian would shoot his eye out if he started packin', but there it is. First they take our guns, then they take our Big Gulps.

He's also concerned about drones.

Julian promises to go back to "afflicting the comfortable (Teacher's Union) in the East Penn School District" if Winnie pulls out of Bloomberg's coalition.

"Til then, I am basing my campaign on Community, the Constitution, and Capitalism.

"Community - If elected, I will strive to serve the town where I enjoyed a wonderful childhood and where I have made my home as an adult. I will listen to and use the bully pulpit of my office to give voice to all the citizens of Emmaus regardless of social standing, background, or partisan identification.

"The Constitution - This is what compelled me to run in the first place. While our rights are under assault Nationally, we must stand up for our Constitution locally.

"Capitalism - This past year, the borough passed a budget that included a tax increase. The tax increase was considered "necessary" to adequately fund our fire department. As a proud resident of the borough, I believe our firemen and police officers should receive everything they need to do their jobs and I might have been inclined to support this budget if it had not contained thousands of dollars in grants for private businesses in the Emmaus "Main Street Partnerships". At all levels, the tangled relationship between business and government is strangling our Republic and economy."

He signs his announcement

In Liberty,

Julian Stolz

25 comments:

Julian Stolz said...

I respectfully ask Bernie to use my current profile picture from facebook rather than the picture of the picture of me and Santorum from 06 and what does he do? Find a picture of me before Prom in 2004.

God bless him, Bernie has a way of making friends.

Good stuff.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I thought you told me to grab one from Facebook. I got one of you in your tuxedo pajamas. You look very Mayoral.

Anonymous said...

If I lived in Emmaus I would vote for him. But really Bernie that was low taking his prom photo.

Julian Stolz said...

I had it coming by asking him in the first place.

This is his blog and it's his job to tweak the noses of all elected officials...including yours truly.

I got a laugh out of it (looking back 9 years now...I'm still a tubby, dorky fellow. Ah well. The more things change...)

Bernie O'Hare said...

"But really Bernie that was low taking his prom photo."

What do yu expect from a bottom-feeder.

I won't mention that I was his prom date.

Anonymous said...

Julian Stolz, please move to Northampoton County and run for county executive. Our teabaggers do not have an ounce of the pannash you bring to the table.

Bernie O'Hare said...

He does have a bit of panache and smiles as he says the most outrageous things.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I'm tormenting him, but he is big on transparency and accountability.

But who can beat Winnie? The poor guy would have to change his name to Losie.

Julian Stolz said...

Anon 12:46,

A backhanded compliment if ever I've seen one. Still, you actually bring up a point.

The presumptive Republican nominee for Northampton County Exec is also a member of Mayor Bloomberg's coalition.

That said, I'm an Emmaus boy born and raised. One day I'll go to heaven or (more likely) hell and I will be making the trip from my hometown.

I had the chance to travel extensively with my parents in my childhood and I can say there is no where else in the world that I'd ever wish to call home.

Julian Stolz said...

Bernie,

Beating a Lobst in Emmaus is like beating a Casey in Scranton. It would take an act of the Almighty.

His granddaughter beat me for Class Treasurer back when I was 15.

In 2005 I helped his re election campaign and I endorsed him over Republican Lee Ann Gilbert in 2009.

I called him on Tuesday to let him know I was running. We talked, joked, and had some laughs. Should be a great, clean campaign.

He's a good man. I'm just looking to remind him of his duty to the Constitution!

Anonymous said...

I assume Stolz is actually a libertarian?

Bernie O'Hare said...

I think he's a Fabian socialist.

Julian Stolz said...

Anon 1:09,

By ideological temperment, I'm a Constitutional-Libertarian with hawkish foreign policy views.

I'm a registered Republican because that is the major party that is closest to my principles.

Bernie O'Hare said...

He wants to invade Canada, and I'm with him on that one. Those bastards speak French.

Julian Stolz said...

Invade Canada? I don't know about all that but I'll trade em Vermont, New York, and Minnesota for Alberta!

Tommy Chong said...

Curious to know why you advertise your "hawkish foreign policy views" when your running for mayor" could be some humor that went over my realllly stoned head but it seems irrelevant and potentially damaging. War sucks youngster, ever see someone step on a landmine?

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Canada, I would like to do an even trade...our leader for theirs. Hell, I remember when Canada was only above us from a geographical reference.

Melissa Schneck said...

I love how Julian pisses everyone off with his honesty...I would prefer someone were honestly in office rather than stab me in the back once they took office. Hope you win one of them, you have much to give and I believe you are a genuine person and we don't see nearly enough people like you.

Anonymous said...

Canada is already a wholly owned subsidiary of the US. Canada's best feature is its outstanding strip clubs and the dancers' requirement to extract one and two dollar coins vs. long folded greenbacks. Oh Canada!

Anonymous said...

The office of mayor in small town politics is pretty important, you don't want to elect another problem like they did with Mayor Hoffman in Macungie. Emmaus should be happy it has been relatively peaceful since the days of the Otto Man Empire. Stolz is one of Otto Slozer's stooges.

Julian Stolz said...

I am not a stooge of Otto Slozer or anyone else for that matter.

Otto is an outspoken citizen who often tells me (and every other elected official in the Lehigh Valley) what he thinks. So do many others of assorted political persuasions.

If you think anyone controls what I do, try asking my parents what raising me was like!

Anonymous said...




This is a JOKE right?

Anonymous said...

Love the Olan Mills backdrop.

Anonymous said...

Bernie
This is fun to read! Than you. Wish Julian well. He is following his lifelong (12) dreams. Isn't that what our country's about?

Anonymous said...

Hey Bernie
Use his better photo! Come on.