Tuesday, February 04, 2014
Another Shitstorm in Upper Mount Bethel
Lump's Deli is home to a Table of Knowledge in Bethlehem, but there are several such tables at The Upper Mount Bethel Diner. There's even a Table of Shit, which is where Ron Angle and his sludge-slinging friends dine every morning. Yesterday was no exception.
One of Ron's friends, Mark Thatcher, was there yesterday, eating spam and eggs, and pontificating on coyotes or something when in blew Bangor School Director Toni Lynch. He's got a new cellphone, and has it programmed to play "Ride of the Valkyries" whenever he wants.
Unlike Lynch, Thatcher is no fan of Wagner. He warned Lynch before that, if he stuck that phone in his ear one more time, it was going in the toilet. So of course, that's precisely what Lynch did.
Thatcher grabbed the phone and tossed it into the toilet, even though it was full of shit chunks. He then returned to his breakfast.
"It was self defense!" exclaimed Angle, who told me he would testify for Thatcher if necessary.
"All it needs now is a bowl of rice and it'll dry right up," explained Angle, as he collected the shit from the toilet.
Thatcher offered to buy Lynch a new phone, but he stormed out of the diner and went to the staties. Thatcher has been charged with criminal mischief.
"That idiot doesn't even know what a Valkyrie is," Thatcher told me from his home in the Valhalla section of Upper Mount Bethel. Oden lives right next to Angle, by the way.