Friday, October 23, 2015
Jesus Christ Mulls Suit Against Northampton County
Though unclear exactly what County officials are currently doing to make life miserable for the Light of the World, this does mark the second time that secular authorities and the Christ have been at odds. Two thousand years ago, they crucified Him.
"He was very nice," gushed one row officer after the Chosen One promoted her to Civil Receptionist. But He left the Courthouse without actually filing a complaint, promising that that He'll be coming back when least expected.
Before leaving, He provided several Aramaic autographs that County officials pledged to sell to help pay for a proposed 4.5% increase in the salaries of non-union employees.
He refused to answer any questions about the Eagles this year. "I'm Jesus Christ, not Lombardi."