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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

King Allentown Announces Write-In Bid

Saying "I could really use that $6,000," King Allentown has announced his bid as a write-in candidate for City Council. He's actually running for all three seats, arguing he can hold them all simultaneously and collect $18,000. Personally, I think he should hold out for the AG seat, but that's me. The "full time sex machine," who already spends half of his day signing autographs, is doing a candidate Meet 'n Greet tonight at Stooges.

He's apparently also waging a write-in campaign for school board, dog catcher, back scratcher, candle stick maker and Mayor.

You may have spotted him standing in welfare lines or at one of the food banks (his record is three food banks in one day), after which he sells the food at eBay.

He was also a successful litigant on Judge Judy, where he won $1,625.

He  also is reportedly considering a daycare for his numerous illegitimate children.


Anonymous said...

Nothing says, We are open to public comment like having a meeting at Saucon Valley Country Club.

Anonymous said...

Not bad but he is no Jim Gregory. The Mediterranean manslab also known as the human tripod has nothing to fear from this imposter.

Dick Hertz

Anonymous said...

Morning Call Nov 4, 2015


Allentownians showed their kind and forgiving nature by returning the Palowski ticket to City Hall. One observer and voter noted, "In spite of doing nothing and being rubber stamps for the Mayor, these incumbents are very nice people. Maybe the next 4 years they can rise above the corruption and start doing the work we elect them to do!


Anonymous said...

I hope the line about selling food pantry food on ebay was 100% humor.

King Allentown Junior said...

You neglected to mention King Allentown, Jr as running mate. I am also on the write in ticket. But thank you for the endorsement, Bernie O'Hare journalist extraordinaire. When we are elected we will abolish the Morning Call and make Lehigh Valley Ramblings the news source of record.

King Allentown, Jr said...

We welcome all displaced politicos to come over to our newly formed political comsultant agency, "Dangle Sauce Strategies" For a modest fee we will manage you to a sure win. Our time-tested methods for success include handing out customer made black and white flyers we photocopy at career link, Hand painted thrift store T-shirts with your face on the front, and personal appearances by both King Allentown and King Allentown, Jr on your behalf.
-King Jr

Anonymous said...

you forgot the butcher, the baker and in the case of mayberry there are many hats that cover circus ACTors under allentowns downtown bigtop¿!($
patent pending

Anonymous said...

By the way, it is official via press release - Sara Hailstone is leaving Allentown.

Anonymous said...

Why isn't She gone today.She can create lots of mischief till January

Anonymous said...

King Jr., stop trying to ride the Kings popularity. You are a wannabe, not the real thing.