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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

I Survived the Bethlehem Township Flashflood

Barry Roth was missing from Monday night's contentious meeting of the Bethlehem Township Board of Commissioners. Personally, I think he was the object of a human sacrifice by Michael Hudak and others who oppose using public funds, even grant money, to build a public restroom for the Bulldogs.

"If a dog can't piss in the park, kids should learn to hold it, too," noted Sensai Hudak. "That is all I have to say." He dismissed concerns about children running into the bushes. "A corncob was always good enough for me," he declared. "That is all I have to say." He then called the Bulldogs "the special few."

Shit, maybe they're Masons! I always suspected it.

"I want everyone to know I'm the biggest athletic supporter you'll ever see," Breslin could be heard saying on his cell phone, where he was apparently taping another Bobby Gunther Walsh show. Nobody took issue with him.

Well, whatever demonic ritual Hudak and Breslin performed on poor Barry Roth, it backfired. Not only did Commissioners vote to seek $250,000 in grant money for what is really a combination restroom and storage facility, but the skies suddenly opened up and the rains cascaded  Nancy Run did a hell of a lot of running. Roads began to look like Venice.  I even saw Noah go by.

The trip to my estate in Nazareth is usually about ten minutes. It was about an hour on Monday night.

At Northampton Community College, the storm waters looked menacing,  especially when I saw the Titanic. So I decided to go south on Hecktown Road. That was my first mistake. I soon ran up against a lake and decided to turn around and go north on Hecktown Road despite the waters. That was my second mistake, and a big one. .

My car, a 1991 Toyota, has a tough enough time going anywhere when the roads are clear. I was asking too much of it. At one point, I had to be in two feet or more of water, but the little engine kept going, despite 244,000 miles on the odometer. It nearly stalled out, but when I gunned it, I made it through the deep water.

That's one helluva' car! I don't know how the hell we beat the Japanese.

But there were consequences. The floating debris, which was moving pretty fast, had knocked something loose on the undercarriage, and it was dragging. I thought it must be my exhaust, but decided to go for it. I dragged it all the way up Rte 191 to my estate, where my servants carried me in.

The next day, I waved at a cop as I dragged it on the road again to my mechanic, four-way flashers blinking.By the time he got word to Cupcake Trachta, I had disappeared down an alley. Finally made it to my mechanic and it turns out all I was dragging was some plastic cover to the gas tank that he said I don't really need. But he told me, "Your offroading days are over"

It was a harrowing ride. Next time, I will pull over somewhere and wait. Things could have been very different.

Fortunately, there are no news accounts of any fatalities or injuries, except for poor Barry Roth and a few shark attacks

"The Bulldogs suck!" were reportedly Barry's last words.


Anonymous said...

Breslin is definitely an athletic supporter. Loves cupping those balls

Anonymous said...

5:14 now that's funny. Patty is building his platform and his voter base getting ready for Cartwright. Hahahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

Barry is a good guy. Some township commissioners have promised several times to correct the flooding where he lives. His family has endured so much. The township should mitigate his water issue because the approval of the credit union was suppose to help the problem, but made it worse. Bernie, you are really all wet on this ha ha

Anonymous said...

between 6 to 10 years back (after those hurricanes), Tom Nolan, headed up a Stormwater Management Committee. He has never shared any of the Committee's recommendations from that activity. I guess it was just lip service for the community since we still have the storm water problems.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Now it's all Tom Nolan's fault. I guess he will be Hudak's next human sacrifice.

You forget I have covered the Twp several years now. Whenever Nolan has tried to talk about storm waters and the study, he has been cut off.

Anonymous said...

More development, more traffic congestion and
more runoff is just what Bethlehem Twp.
Birds we can live without.

Anonymous said...

Mrs. Hudak weighs in @ 9:22.

Anonymous said...

That article was hilarious and gave me that gut busting laugh I needed¿

Would said developer and servyor be resposible too as well as excavators equipment¿

patent pending

Anonymous said...

Oo, I thought that was you Bernie and you were riding one of the cupcake club down from your estate¿ Very similar to the over indulgent of Allentowns Administration¿ That would be another cost in there pension package¿

Anonymous said...

9:22 interesting. Nothing really has changed since then except for Madison Farms. But the issues then are the same ones we have now. To fix or remediate the problem we will be spending $5 million a year for the next five years. Do the taxpayers really want a 25% increase in taxes to accomplish this?

Interested Resident said...

Bernie, I will respectfully diagree with your comment that Tom Nolan was always cut off when asked about the stormwater committee. I personally asked about the committee report at a couple of meetings but he never shared anything with the public. We must have been at different meetings as I don't make all of them.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I recall it happening twice - once when Art Murphy was still on board and again on the very first date that Wayne Kresge complained about Chetwin Terrace. On both occasions, Nolan started speaking about the stormwater studies and on both occasions he was cut off.

This problem has existed a long time. In 1969, when Timko was president, he sent Bethlehem a letter advising that the township was considering a lawsuit over the surface waters coming down from the City. The Township wanted the City to get involved in some engineering to redirect storm water, but the City demurred.

Also, I should point out that some of these newer developments like Madison Farms might present no storm water issues bc they are engineered so well in advance. My remark about madison Farms was something of a cheap shot.

I should also point out that TOA has argued that its development will diminish the runoff that occurs at the Blue, which was like one of the Great Lakes on Monday night. Whether this is folly or accurate is beyond me.

Anonymous said...

The RAV4 will have more clearance underneath, and the house on Ridge will be immune from flooding due to the terrain. You're in like gold.

Anonymous said...

Bernie is your estate funded the same way Zawarski funds his projects with forgivable loans from TOA?