Monday, November 27, 2006

Murphy's Lesser Known Dictums

We're all familiar with Murphy's Law. "If anything can go wrong, it will". Most of us have personally experienced some of the necessary corallaries, such as "Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."

A friend has just sent me some of Murphy's lesser-known dictums, so I'll share them with you.

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some pols appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine or borough council.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just thought I'd add some...

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

A short cut is the longest distance between two points.

You will always find what you’ve lost in the last place you look.

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don’t know what’s going on.

The light at the end of a tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.

The other line always moves faster.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

90% of everything is crud.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are.

If you’re feeling good, don’t worry, you’ll get over it.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

No one’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.

In order to qualify for a loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.

If you try to please everybody, nobody will be pleased.

A Smith & Wesson always beats four aces.

Never eat prunes when you’re famished.
You will remember to take out the trash as soon as the collection truck passes your house.

The race is not always to the swift nor is the battle to the strong, but that’s the way to bet.

No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, as soon as you buy it, it will be on sale for less somewhere else.

The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

dg