Believe it or not, I have a few young readers from the Lehigh Valley who are away at college. One of them, a PSU student, recently sent me a summary of one of his more recent dates.Remember dates?
I've decided to share this entertaining summary, written from the male's perspective, with you. Times have changed. I just used a club.
What to Expect on a Date with a Chemical Engineer, from a Chemist’s Perspective
No matter how early you are, you’re late.
She'll tell you a chemistry degree is a booby prize, because an engineer can do anything a chemist can, but not vice versa.
She will talk about her ex non-stop and tell you every reason it wasn’t going to work for her.
She will order a full dinner even though the date was for “drinks”.
She will demean your research work in every way imaginable, and tell you flat out that you are wrong.
Anything you do, or can do, she can do better and already knows more about it than you do, so it’s best to just shut up and let her talk.
She knows everything there is to know about relationships and emotions because she read about it in some Gloria Steinem book.
She will try and get you to read that dumb ass book so you can understand about relationships.
She will talk mostly about herself and really doesn’t even care if you pay attention or not.
Her degree in chem. Eng. is a fall back plan because she is probably writing a 9 book series about leprechauns. DO NOT ask about it, I can’t stress that enough.
She may tell you you’d look much more attractive if you’d shave your head, because obviously, you look like shit now.
She will tell you you’re uneducated if you don’t have a favorite art piece, but honestly, she probably thinks you’re uneducated anyway, so who cares?
She will tell you that even though she’s never painted she knows she will be good at it, and will be a professional painter someday.
She will tell how much of a feminist she is, but will let you to pay for everything, without even the slightest argument.
If you ever used match.com or some internet dating service, DO NOT tell her, even if it comes up in conversation. She will belittle you and tell you how she has never felt so in need of a relationship to go looking for one on the computer.
She will tell you that she needs to have more degrees than her father, that’s why she is doing chem. Eng.
She can count cards, even up to 8 decks, but doesn’t believe in gambling.
She read the DaVinci Code in three hrs. Just accept it.
She tells you it takes her six months to feel attracted to someone (dumb ass book strikes again) so don't touch her. You might as well open the door while the car is rolling and give her a swift push.
There will be not one thank you at all, even if you paid for everything. You should be thanking her.
She will tell you your driving makes her sick, even though you’re only going a few blocks, and demand you slow down before she throws up in your car. Too late!
She will tell you at the end of the night she had a good time, and that you should catch up sometime again, and will actually call you.
I'll lay odds he marries her.
6 comments:
This was not a date, but rather a lesson in life. And you'll only pass the test if you've learned to run away, as fast and as far as you can, from this type of person.
dg
No, that would be his dad.
Bernie, this isn't supposed to be what dates are like. You can't keep your #2 title... I'm going out with the real hunies!
LVDem, I'm sorry, but chickens don't count. I understand you're entitled to choose whatever sexual orientation you like, but most of us just aren't that attracted to them. On the bright side, they're probably pretty cheap dates and when you're done you can deep fry them.
Did I prmose to be nice to you for a few days? Sorry, I'll delete this comment in a year or two.
This just reminds me why I'm so happy I'm gay.
PaPro, Don't you have the same problem? If not, I'm changing teams.
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