In a major blow to law and order devotees everywhere, Constable (and criminal defendant) Tricia Mezzacappa has decided against seeking re-election to a post she won in an overwhelming landslide of 11 write-in votes four years ago. Although no judge would hire her to serve papers, she did keep herself busy threatening to arrest residents.
Here's how she, in CAPS LOCK, explains her decision:
"PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: TO ALL WEST EASTON RESIDENTS , I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO SEEK RE-ELECTION AS BOROUGH CONSTABLE. EVEN THOUGH I CONTINUE TO BELIEVE OUR VERY SMALL BOROUGH IS BEST SERVED BY ELECTED CONSTABLES TO HANDLE THE MANY CIVIL DISPUTES AND ISSUES, I HAVE BEEN RELENTLESSLY AND HARMFULLY EMBATTLED, BATTERED (VIOLENTLY AND VERBALLY...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) , AND ADDITIONALLY........., DEFAMED, LIBELED, SLANDERED , STALKED AND RIDICULED BY THE TWO MOST DISGUSTING BOROUGH COUNCIL LEADERS WEST EASTON HAS EVER ELECTED. (DEPAUL AND DEES) THEY WOULD RATHER BANKRUPT THE CITIZENS WITH ITS (NOW DEFUNDED) POLICE DEPARTMENT , THAN ACCEPT FREE SERVICES FROM ME. I ALSO OFFERED TO APPOINT OTHER DEPUTY CONSTABLES TO SERVE , SO THE BOROUGH COULD SAVE MONEY AND STOP PAYING ITS ENGINEER TO ANSWER CIVIL COMPLAINTS, BUT ONCE AGAIN IT FELL ON DEAF EARS. WE NEED TO VOTE OUT BOTH OF THESE CLOWNS WHEN THEY ARE SURE TO RUN FOR RE-ELECTION. NEITHER ONE CARES ABOUT ANY CITIZEN, BUT ARE ELECTED FOR THEIR OWN SELF DEALING, SELF AGGRANDIZING , NARCISSISTIC AND INCOMPETENT REPRESENTATION. THEY BELONG IN JAIL."
Maybe she should write her memoirs.