Friday, June 15, 2007

Eulogy for Boscola COS Bernie Kieklak, ... by Bernie Kieklak

Blogger's Note: BTNP wrote this himself, back in March.

CNN/AP/FOX NEWS/AL JAZEERA -- The war in Iraq, the death of Anna Nicole Smith, and the firings of 93 U.S. Attorneys-General took a back seat to breathtaking news out of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania today.

Political blogger Bernie O'Hare won a highly publicized wager with an idiot aide to a local State Senator that has sent shock waves throughout this quiet hamlet.

O'Hare, a known child pornographer who lives in sin with an inflatable girlfriend at a well-known crack house, was carried through the streets of town in a celebration described as "bigger than 100 Mardi Gras."

The public orgy included a military marching band, 4 hours of fireworks, and Mayor John Callahan, who presented O'Hare with the key to the City, a summons for fondling homeless people, and The Medal of the Highest Order of Purple Heart Pains-in-the-Asses.

A Catholic priest also exorcised 100 demons from O'Hare on the very spot at the Bethlehem Comfort Suites where The Blessed Virgin Mary gave birth to Baby Jesus.

School children joined the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in singing "O, Little Town of Bethlehem" during O'Hare's coronation ceremony. The planned "Virgin Sacrifice" was canceled due to the inability of local officials to identify a single virgin within the tri-state area.

O'Hare, who wore his high-school prom dress for the occasion, was humble as ever in front of the throng of international reporters, papparazzi, and inflatable groupies who numbered in the thousands.

"I'm the smartest person on the planet and I'm always right," O'Hare said.

Meanwhile, the idiot Senate aide, Bernard Kieklak, was shackled and locked in stocks in the town square until his boss, Senator Lisa Boscola, doused him with 15 gallons of gasoline and set him ablaze with the designer Gucci flame-thrower she always carries in her purse.

As the flames consumed him, Kieklak could be heard to shout, "I was wrong and I admit it. Bernie O'Hare was right. And I apologize to Lefler and Micek for saying such stupid things... and at least I don't have to kiss Jolly Joe!"

There are no funeral arrangements planned. No one liked him, not even his friends.

15 comments:

Chris Casey said...

It would have been more appropriate to nail him to a cross.

Anonymous said...

my concern with this whole mess is the broad brush being used to paint the entire staff. I have had occassion to call the Senator's staff for assistance and have found them to be professional, courteous and pleased to assist me. Many of them I now know by name. To say the least I have never spoken to the individual in question and the Senator should accept his resignation immediately and stand behind the staff that serves her constituents in a way she can be proud.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I don't agree completely with your high opinion of the senator's staff. Staffer Jeff Warren took gobs of special interest money from developers in a race for city council. He pulled in more dough than the mayoral candidates.

But other than that, I've never heard anything but good things about Boscola's staff.

I've heard this from plenty of constituents and it has also been my own experience.

I do think Bernie needs to go. But I really did appreciate his humor and brilliant writing, as evidenced by this eulogoy he wrote back in March. He has many fine qualities. But his failure to recognize his own problem and deal with it immediately has ended up doing what he fought hardest to prevent - hurting his boss.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Anon 10:05,

Why are you placing the same comment, word for word, on three separate posts? First, no one has painted Boscola's entire staff with the brush used on Kieklak or Boscola herself. Second, her staff is not completely w/o sin. I'm appalled that one of her staffers, Jeff Warren, would raise such obscene amounts of money in his city council quest. He raised more than the mayoral candidates, and from devlopers. Third, posting the exact same comment on three different posts makes me wonder whether you're doing some damage control for someone.

Anonymous said...

i'll admit I hold Boscola totally accountable for this guy. I also admit I got a foul taste in my mouth about Boscola when I witnessed her bratty grandstanding during the BASD Act 72 hearing a couple years back. SHAMELESS!

Bernie O'Hare said...

But she walked away w/ 73% of the vote!

Anonymous said...

What can I say? I don't appreciate state legislatures trying to pass the buck on property taxes to make it more convenient to blame the lack of reform on somebody else.

Act 72 was a horrible idea and Boscola beat that dead horse relentlessly. Plus she was rude to the Act 72 committee who were volunteers from the community.

Were you one of the 73%? I certainly wasn't.

Anonymous said...

She must fire him!

Anonymous said...

This might be a classic example of what Walter Karp discussed in his book "Indispensable Enemies." Lisa is clocked doing 78mph on I-78 after drinking with (her COS?) in Harrisburg. She reforms but keeps him around and years later takes days to decide if he's a liability. What's at play here as always is that the local Dems want, at all cost, to maintain control of their terminally malignant Party, so let do-nothing Dent win as long as he likes. If the Dems ever put up a reasonably good candidate that candidate might win and wrest control of their decrepit party away from the good ole boys. So, let the taxpayers pick up the total tab for Charlie (Exxon Charlie) Dent's health care while they have none; no jobs, no environment, no public transportation, endless war crimes, (if Dent ever steps outside the U. S. the Nuremberg Tribunal will hang him); how could a Democrat possibly mount a campaign agains this stalwart? My aching ass. Bernard like in Saint, Berg like in Ice.

Anonymous said...

This might be a classic example of what Walter Karp discussed in his book "Indispensable Enemies." Lisa is clocked doing 78mph on I-78 after drinking with (her COS?) in Harrisburg. She reforms but keeps him around and years later takes days to decide if he's a liability. What's at play here as always is that the local Dems want, at all cost, to maintain control of their terminally malignant Party, so let do-nothing Dent win as long as he likes. If the Dems ever put up a reasonably good candidate that candidate might win and wrest control of their decrepit party away from the good ole boys. So, let the taxpayers pick up the total tab for Charlie (Exxon Charlie) Dent's health care while they have none; no jobs, no environment, no public transportation, endless war crimes, (if Dent ever steps outside the U. S. the Nuremberg Tribunal will hang him); how could a Democrat possibly mount a campaign agains this stalwart? My aching ass. Bernard like in Saint, Berg like in Ice.

Anonymous said...

Without additional pressure, BTNP will still have a job with Boscola's office, since they are birds of a feather.

Watch, nothing will happened unless she is pushed, and pushed hard.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Anon 8:30, aka Bernie Berg!

Holy cannoli!

I completely forgot about that other unholy Bernie - you!

Please forgive me for not including you. It is nice to hear from you.

Anonymous said...

I am amazed that while Kieklak has been rightly taken to task for his sexism and hatred towards women, no one is commenting on his obvious anti-Christian/Catholic hatred.

Signing a vulgarity-filled rant "Yours in Christ" is despicable.

I wonder if the Diocese is aware of his comments and Boscola's refusal to deal appropriately with them?

Blah Society said...

15 gallons of gas at about $3 a gallon wasted on a douche bag. Would have been cheaper to use bullets...

Anonymous said...

Great to hear from Bernie Berg! I agree with about 60% of his views. He has always been out here fighting the good fight. Let us not forget about the hate speak BTNP directed at Arabs and Islam. It may be in vogue but it is wrong. It has been my observation over a fairly long life that people when they feel invulnerable lose all perspective. BTNP felt he and Lisa where unbeatable, he said as much himself, he felt they could get away with anything.

I see alot of that today with some younger pols and some older. Absolute power corrupts....

That is why Humans were never intended to be Gods.

That is why I cast a wary eye on all public figures, even those sainted by the press, and especially those sainted by the post(pay attention Bernie O). I once heard about Martin Till of the Express pushing Lisa to go for the House seat. I'm not surprised the Excess has played down this story.
Are all Bernies slighty ahh.. crazy. Just kidding keep it up.

OLD FART