Monday, April 06, 2015
I Caught A Campaign Sign Thief
It's that time of the years. After a cold and unforgiving winter that I was beginning to think would never end, the robins are back. Baseball diamonds and soccer fields are filling up with kids instead of snow. And another rite of Spring, the primary campaign season, has started. Volunteers plant signs instead of flowers. Just as inevitably, charges of campaign thievery are made. I'm here to tell you that on Good Friday, the same day that Christ was nailed to the cross, I caught a campaign thief red-handed. And let him go.
I've always wanted to catch a campaign sign thief, but it's pretty hard. Years ago,long before he was a Bethlehem Township Commissioner, Pat Breslin was accused of some sort of campaign sign chicanery, But no charges were ever filed. Back in 2003, Bangor Mayor Joe Capozzolo was caught by a cop, defacing a campaign sign, and charged. But that's rare. Even when caught on candid camera, like the above Donovan sign thief in last year's Allentown Mayoral race, it's hard to make a positive ID.
Last week, as is the case every election season, I was told that Candidate A was stealing the campaign signs of Candidate B. One particular sign, planted at 4:30 am every morning, was already stolen three times in spite of being drilled into the ground and secured with bricks.
I decided to do a stake out. It's what we bottom-feeding bloggers do. So on Good Friday, after the sign was planted outside a local business, I hid beside a dumpster, thermos in one hand and camera in the other, ready to catch the bastard.
Let me tell you, it might still be chilly in the early morning, but the pungent aromas from the dumpster kept me awake. They also added an intriguing flavor to my coffee. Still, it's boring work.
But it paid off, Around 6:30 am, I saw a person stealing signs from both Candidates A and B.
It was the owner of the business, who probably didn't have the heart to tell either candidate that he doesn't want signs.
I tased him anyway.
Bastard made me get up early.
After all the excitement was over, I went for breakfast and from there to the courthouse. The doors were locked so I went back to my car to wait. I returned about 8:30 am, and learned from the night watchman that the courthouse was closed for the holiday.
I tased him, too.
Then I went to bed.