Seyfried's Gotta' Go

You think I like writing about Allentown?

Listen, I live in Nazareth, and it takes me at least an hour to get to Hamilton Street. I have to feed my aging Jeep oil every two miles. But the way things are going in Northampton County, I may soon have to relocate there. Yes, I may soon be blogging from one of King Edwin's KOZ condos in Peanutville. Maybe I'll join the Life Church and apply for one of those Queen City grants, too. I'll ride LANTA and go to art shows. Reason? Northampton County Council. Commonly recognized as the most dysfunctional legislative body in the Lehigh Valley, they are really letting me down. Yeah, I'm a big advocate of good government, but I never expected to see it here. It's really boring. For the third meeting in a row, Northampton County Council is far too damn civil.

It's all Jerry Seyfried's fault.

Every time they get ready to start blowing oil, Jerry Seyfried pulls his tie tight around his neck, kinda' like Rodney Dangerfield, and then starts making sense. He even pulls out his tattered copy of the Home Rule Charter and starts reading the damn law.

Isn't that cheating?

Let me give you an example. Two weeks ago, council members were all set to appoint members to one of the county's many board for terms of a gazillion years. But Jerry ruined everything. He quietly pulled out his worn Charter and told them it prohibits appointments that exceed two years. Instead of ignoring him or just telling him to go &^%$ himself, like they usually do, they actually modified the terms of appointment.

It happened again last night. Council member John Cusick wants to see a new Sheriff soon, and they all started talking about the goofy procedure for appointing a new Sheriff. Apparently the Exec submits three names to the President Judge, the President Judge can add another two, and Council has the last word. Or maybe Council submits seven names and the judges have the final say. No one is sure.

But that bastard Jerry Seyfried cheated and brought up our County Constitution again, declaring that only the Exec has sole power to appoint the next Sheriff, subject to confirmation by County Council. As he explained things, a previous County Council thumbed its nose at the Charter and adopted an ordinance giving the President Judge some say in the selection of a member of Stoffa's cabinet.

According to Jerry, that's wrong. "When that happened, I was one of the first guys who said, 'Are you nutz? Do you think the courts are going to come to you and ask you to approve the Court Administrator?' If this Sheriff messes up, and he gets in trouble, do you think the President Judge is going to answer for that? Of course not. I think you ought to repeal that ordinance. If he[Stoffa] is responsible for him, he ought to have the right to appoint him."

So now, Angle and Stoffa will introduce a new ordinance that removes the bench from the Sheriff selection process. It appears to have nearly unanimous support, too. Lamont McClure, believe it or not, thinks this is a good idea. Cusick would prefer to stick to the old process for the current replacement, but agrees that the ordinance must be repealed.

Rancor, name-calling and petty squabbles have been replaced by ... bipartisanship. It's very sad.

After the meeting was over, Seyfried approached Angle in the parking lot and thanked him for his input, telling him Council can get a lot more done when it works together. Ron loves it. Personally, I think Jerry is slipping ludes in Ron's "spring water." They do sit next to each other. Whatever the explanation, it's killing me. Who the hell wants to read about a government that is actually working?

At this rate, I'll be in Allentown before they have a new Sheriff. I hope I can find those pics of Jerry in bed with three underage nuns, but for now, all I have is this picture of a harmless giraffe that Jerry senselessly murdered. I'll be forewarding it to PETA.

As everyone left the meeting room, the weirdness continued. Charles Dertinger walked up to me. I assumed my tae kwon do stance, but he actually smiled. "I hear you've been saying nice things about me," he said, referring to a post praising Dertinger's integrity for refusing to allow a disgruntled bidder to sway him over the casino assessment contract. I denied writing it.

"Please stop saying nice things about me. It hurts my fundraising efforts."

Then he actually patted me on the back.

It can't last.