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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Brown Proposing Data-Based Solution To Row Office Staffing Shortages

Thanks to a suggestion from a $24,999.99 no-bid consultant, NorCo Exec John Brown has announced a new, data-based solution to the staffing shortage crisis in the row offices. Brown made this announcement during a news conference that he held alone in his office, talking to portraits of former County Executives. Brown insisted on being behind behind bolted doors, out of a concern that Council member Bob Werner might drop in and listen.

Brown's new data-based solution is an instrument called the typewriter. The first of these devices, which are impossible to hack and miraculously operate without power, was brought into the Recorder of Deeds Office yesterday. Amazingly, it enables a clerk to reproduce, word for word, the language from a deed.

He explained that his goal is to rid the County of expensive, energy inefficient computers, over the next two years. He will also eliminate all clerk positions and replace them with a new employee designation called Scrivener, based on Charles Dickens.

He predicts this move will save approximately a gazillion dollars, which will enable the County to keep those positions unfilled and save money.

Yesterday, around 3:40 pm, numerous individuals were standing in line for passports, as well as citizens with unresolved custody matters.

"Maybe they should have thought of that before having children," stated Deputy Director of Administration Cathy Allen. "God,if only I had ten of her," concluded Brown

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Good stuff Bernie.

It will be interesting to see the discussion when Council reverses itself on the $25K limit. I predict they will fold.

Anonymous said...

It is tough to lighten up a disgraceful situation with sarcasm. Brown's negligence in not filling critical positions is borderline criminal. Yet the judges put up with it. Do they disdain the public and overworked civil division employees as much as Brownstain does?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, you're right 12:12 AM. I have to admit I found it quite funny, but also very sad and frustrating.

I do like sarcasm, though.

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work, John.

Anonymous said...

Said no one in their right mind.

Anonymous said...

yep- keep up the good work not hiring t.m.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, keep up the crap Johnnie Brownstain. "Employees are our greatest asset." Bullshit.

Anonymous said...

Turn back the clock is exactly what the goal is of all Tea Party extremists and JB is one of those. Less is more or so the story goes. Shrink government until there is none left especially for the poor and the helpless resident of the county. Fend for yourself and keep moving please...

Anonymous said...

John Brown, Cathy Allen, and the rest of the administration should take turns staffing that office. When they are not working there, do a shift in the prison, and come out to the Human Service building and fill in for all the staff who left due to your wonderful vision of government workers.

Anonymous said...

These two finger typewriters double the production of the one finger models. Pure genius.

Anonymous said...

They are like a bad rash they just won't go away soon enough.