Friday, September 08, 2006

The Truth Hurts: Five Weird Things About Me


You can thank a Big Fat Slob for this post. He's got a terrific blog but has just ruined me. I've spent months now trying to build a reputation as a respectable blogger, having failed at pretty much everything else in my life. This all comes tumbling down today because he's ordered me to write five weird things about myself. If I refuse, I go into some bloggers' black hole, to be shunned by other bloggers for eternity.

But here's the problem. Everything about me is weird. Something is seriously wrong with me. I know that. So when I list five things that may seen weird to me, it will probably convince you I need to be committed. OK, here goes.

First, I like the smell of my own farts. In fact, that smell should be bottled as a cologne. Eau dO'Hare.

Second, whenever I go for a run, I end up with the runs. Where do you think the Lehigh Valley's brownfields come from, bippy?

Third, I'm afraid of my phone. It's evil.

Fourth, I love movies, but can no longer watch television. It bores the hell out of me. When I try, I fall asleep in about ten minutes.

Fifth, about those runs, I almost always forget toilet paper.

Sixth, I really hate Santa Claus. I know I was only supposed to list five weird things, but

Seven, I'm incapable of following simple directions.

Hope you're happy, you Big Fat Slob. Now I get to name five other bloggers and assign them the same task. I select BillyBytes, the loafers at EastonUndressed, NewsOverCoffee, I've Made a Huge Tiny Mistake and Lehigh County Redneck.

Friday Afternoon Update: You've got to check out the five weird things that Lehigh County Redneck listed about herself. Holy canoli!

14 comments:

Chris said...

I'll see if I can come up with some things

Bernie O'Hare said...

I had a number of volunteers who told me they would gladly write this post for me, but I turned them down.

Dem Fly on the wall said...

Bernie, you ever been tagged with a cattle prod?
I think it might be time you got a little electro shock therapy!
Now that would be "tagging" someone!!

Bernie O'Hare said...

DemFly, I'll add that to my "to do" list. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I think I stepped in one of your "brownfields."

Anonymous said...

Your farts and runs (after running) are nothing. Wooses like you go right home and shower and change underwear. Che Guevara went six months through the steaming jungles of Bolivia during which time he had two bouts of diarrhea and didn't get near water in all that time. Now there was a man (MAN)!

Bernie O'Hare said...

Yeh, but Che smelled so badly that Castro had him knocked off. So there was a dead MAN.

Bernie Berg said...

Pope Bernard V III: Castro didn"t have Che bumped off. Some anal pore from Bucks County carried out the orders from the CIA, and had his picture taken with the wounded Che minutes before he sent a Bolivian soldier into the schoolhouse to shoot Che. Good thing you weren't proclaiming ex cathedra. Bernie Berg

Bernie Berg said...

Pope Bernard V III: Castro didn"t have Che bumped off. Some anal pore from Bucks County carried out the orders from the CIA, and had his picture taken with the wounded Che minutes before he sent a Bolivian soldier into the schoolhouse to shoot Che. Good thing you weren't proclaiming ex cathedra. Bernie Berg

Bernie O'Hare said...

Bernie Berg: I stand corrected by your superior knwoledge. But Che still smelled.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Bernie Berg: I stand corrected by your superior knwoledge. But Che still smelled.

House of Crayons said...

Here is our five...

1) House of Crayons and Badapple share a brain.

2) We like to keep our disdain for bad city government up by praticing like Travis Bickle in our mirrors... "You talkin to me!?"

3) We discus physics, meteorology, and News anchorwomen in the morning at work.

4) We have our own special interest group. (you'll have ask us in person)

5) We are all about rules and order.

House of Crayons said...

Bernie,
I had to post our 5 things on your blog. We don't do any personal pieces on ours.

We sre strictly Easton issues.

just keepin it real.. as we say in E-Town.

Bernie O'Hare said...

No problemo, H/C