EASTON: - Inspired by the recent success of Mayfair's fence at excluding Allentown's low-income population, a bipartisan consortium of local government leaders today announced plans to build a wall around the Lehigh Valley. Flanked by Northampton County Councilman Ron Angle and the ghost of Allentown Councilwoman Emma "English only" Tropiano, DA John Morganelli conducted press conferences every hour today to announce the wall, to be funded through a surcharge on all local Taco Bells.
Asked who would build this wall, Morganelli said, "I'll talk to the construction unions like I always do, find out where those illegals are working, and then round 'em up. Every time I pick them up, the judges keep letting them go. But this time they'll have to build that damn wall first. "
When asked why he never prosecutes the businesses who actually hire undocumented workers, Morganelli responded, "Did I tell you I'm writing a new book? It's called 'D-Day Aliens.' "
Angle was asked why he teamed up with a Democrat, and responded, "Isn't Morganelli a Republican? You could have fooled me! The bottom line is those walls keep out the riff raff. I mean, look at China's Great Wall." When told that wall had been ineffective, Angle said, "Did I tell you that Morganelli is writing another book?" It was learned later that Angle has been deputized by Morganelli and will now be patrolling the Delaware River in a cigarette boat. Tropiano's suggestion that machine gun nests be stationed along the wall was overruled by Morganelli.
Matteo Braccili, who owns the Lehigh Valley's only Hispanic radio station, WHOL 1600 AM, was asked what he thought of the Great Wall. He answered, "Â¿Cree que va a llover?" He was immediately shot by Tropiano's spirit for speaking an alien language in "English Only" Allentown.
In a related matter, the Morning Call today announced plans to terminate all of its Hispanic reporters. Ardith Hilliard, executive editor of The Morning Call, explained that a reporter's decision to be Hispanic violates the company's ethics policy, which was developed to protect the paper's credibility and impartiality. That policy prohibits employees from participating in "public demonstrations in favor of or in opposition to a cause." Explained Hilliard, "We feel that by being openly Hispanic, they're taking a position in the immigration debate. We asked them not to be Hispanic but they refused, so they're out of here."
Bloggers Note: John Morganelli, Angle and Morning Call editors very good senses of humor and can laugh at themselves. I'm not so sure about the ghost of Emma Tropiano.