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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Ron Angle Runs Out of Bullshit

People want to know why I wasn't at Ron Angle's Upper Mount Bethel estate for the anti-shit protest outside his property yesterday. Even the Emperor himself called and asked me to come up and help him taunt them. But I was busy. Yesterday was Wednesday, and that's the day I spend evicting widows and orphans from Angle's properties. I admit I would have enjoyed making catcalls and mooning the shit haters. But humiliating old ladies and orphans is just too much fun.

I did catch the Channel 69 news account, and was shocked to learn that Angle has run out of bullshit. I thought he had an endless supply.

Ron plans to use biosolids, i.e. human shit, to fertilize his farmlands.

According to Penn State research, it's safe. All 50 states allow it. In fact, Angle tells me one of his friends stopped by for a shit sandwich on his way to work.

In any event, something like this is the perfect way for him to re-enter the political realm. If the protesters would have just waited a day, they could have caught him in his General Patton uniform, which was delivered by UPS later that day.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Never in human history has a story and a man intersected and coincided so perfectly.

Lighthouse said...

If not mistaken, if the local governing body were to take up the protesters' cause, he would be protected under PA's A.C.R.E. law.

I can think of examples in our community when neighbors have complained of the odors of working farms. Farmers are protected, and with bio-solids being allowed in PA, there really is no leg for the protesters to stand on outside the court of public opinion.

Bernie O'Hare said...

"Never in human history has a story and a man intersected and coincided so perfectly."

Well said.

Anonymous said...

"Ron plans to use biosolids, i.e. human shit, to fertilize his farmlands"

So in other words, he plans on standing in the field and talking to the soil. That might work.

Anonymous said...

Angle and biosolids = perfect casting.

Anonymous said...

Ron Angle + biosolids, the soil never had a chance.

Anonymous said...

Point of clarification:

As shit is widely known to roll or flow downhill, depending upon its consistency, is Ron's property up or down hill from these defecation detractors and excrement extremists?

Also, as its widely known that humans like to smell their own brand, will this be local dooty? If it passes the sniff test, the doot is moot.

Anonymous said...

"Shit happens", in the case of Ron Angle that has always been the case. Might as well make it official.

Peter J.Cochran said...

Bernie,Maybe----- Ron is now into psychological warfare or PsyOps ! This may be how you keep open space. You paint the soil with this stuff and the perspective viewers don't stay long in one area thinking about skinning people on cardboard houses.Good Morning! Could he be that clever?

Anonymous said...

No!

Anonymous said...

Oh he is as clever as they come.....don't put anything past him....

Anonymous said...

If clever means the same as devious, I agree.