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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Poor Spunky

Growing up, I looked forward every week to Art Linkletter's "Kids Say the Darndest Things." Now, I'm amazed by what the oldest geezers among us say when they draw up their Wills, which I have to read when searching titles. So from time to time, I'm going to share some of these final wishes with you.

My first entry involves the Will of a Bethlehem Township woman, who died last Summer. I'll keep her name out of it, but reading her Will reminded me of an ancient Pharoah, who would have a gazillion people killed on his death so they could join him in the afterlife. Fortunately, this woman was a widow when she drew her Will, so her husband was already in the beyond. But not poor Spunky.

This is what her Will provides.

"I direct that should my dog, Spunky, survive me, I wish Spunky to be euthanized, cremated and Spunky's ashes be placed in my coffin, if permitted by law. The maximum expense for this provision is $500 and must be done within five (5) days following my death."

Ruh roh.

Now if poor Spunky was on his last legs himself, maybe she was doing him a favor. But what if he was spunky?

Amazingly, a few lines below, she makes this provision, too.

"I give and bequeath the sum of $500 to the SPCA [Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals], of Northampton County, Easton, Pennsylvania."

I had to know what happened, so I called her estate's attorney. I better keep his name out of this, too. He tells me that he never had the ethical dilemma of deciding whether he should off her dog. Poor Spunky bit the dust soon after she drew her Will.

Maybe she read it to him.

Next week, I'll share the parting thoughts of an Allentown used car dealer.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love you, Bernie, but reading details of other people's wills is kinda creepy. Even if it's legal to post what folks have in their wills, it's still in very bad taste.

Obviously, though, it takes much WORSE taste and is far creepier to demand that your loyal K9 be cremated and put to rest with you upon death.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I Have to read people's wills when searching their real estate titles. Some of them are quite amusing and there is no reason NOT to share these public records, although I have enough respect for their privacy to keep their names out.

Chris Casey said...

Back in the early 90's, a Newark Ohio Man stipulated that he be buried WITH his red Corvette. So his two daughters took the one from his model car collection and put it in his casket. They sold his 57 and split the profits. A third daughter sued, saying that it wasn't what her Dad meant. The Judge made the two daughters split the proceeds with the third.
The will didn't specify WHICH Corvette he wanted buried with him, and the guy was a notorious practical joker.

Anonymous said...

I spit my coffee out reading this! Funny!

Anonymous said...

I have commisioned a painting of myself draped in diamonds sitting in a Mercedes Benz. It will be installed in my bedroom premanently so that the next Mrs. can always wonder what (and inquire) about them

Anonymous said...

Funny piece.

Anonymous said...

Larry Otter will be buried with his billing statement

Anonymous said...

awwww Bernie doesn't like when anyone disagrees anymore. He deletes posts

noel jones said...

Seriously? Wills are public record? I never knew that--it seems like such a violation of privacy...I liked this post because the woman isn't named and it's interesting to know the creepy truths about the society we live in, but I'm just shocked that wills are public record in the first place.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Noel, Wills are a matter of public record. The whole point is to make the world aware of the testator's intentions.