I Am a Hindu Priest

Bill Malkames is among a handful of elite land use attorneys in the Lehigh Valley.  I saw him enter the courthouse today. Both of his sons are excellent lawyers in their own right, but like my father, he'll never retire. He'll die with his boots on. 

"Hi  Bill! How are you?" 

For some reason, he pretended he did not know me, and ran into an elevator the moment he saw me. But I'm persistent and soon discovered he was at the courthouse to seek a religious exemption for a property recently acquired by the Hindu Religious Society on Airport Road. He had a hearing before the assessment board, and I decided to crash it.

Malkames had all the necessary paperwork and wanted to present evidence that the property would be used solely for religious purposes. He wanted to call the Hindu priest as a witness. But when he turned to call the priest, the person sitting in the cleric's chair was none other than yours truly. 

"Well, Bernie O'Hare is no Hindu priest," he remarked, and the Board quickly took judicial notice that I'm an imposter. That's too bad because I was ready to testify, not about the religious exemption, but about Malkames' lack of skill as a Hearts player. 

He's barely competent. 

Fortunately for everyone, the priest arrived and the exemption was granted by unanimous vote.

So yes, Malkames is a great lawyer. He is also an avid basketball fan and full of stories from his days growing up in Hazleton as well as his years of triathlon competitions. His wife is a master chef. But Bill's a lousy card player. He tries. He reads Hearts books (yes, there are books on how to play Hearts) and practices online. He even once traveled to Las Vegas for a tournament, where he promptly lost. Seriously, who flies to Las Vegas for a Hearts Tournament?  That;s as idiotic as a 330-mile bike ride. 

The elite Hearts players of the Lehigh Valley are Budisho Musashi, the Holy Fool, Wunder Man and the Blogger.