Monday, July 01, 2019
Guest Post: More Monkey Business in DA Race
Jacko the Monkey here. Remember me?
Not long ago, I escaped from my dark closet at the Northampton County Courthouse to complain to you. I was being dragged into the dirty world of Northampton County politics by none other than that bottom-feeding blogger, Bernie O'Hare. He really is "a disgusting, gruesome creature," as West Easton Borough Constable and Tom Carroll for DA supporter Tricia Mezzacappa recently told Bethlehem City Council.
Look, my idea of a good time is throwing poop, swinging on trees, eating bananas and playing the accordion. I hate politics. But O'Hare was going to use me to make a monkey's uncle out of DA wannabe Tom Carroll.
Now The Morning Call has grabbed this story and there's a big expose on Carroll.
Though the paper's reporters interviewed about 10,000 people, they never got me. I stayed hidden in my closet.
I've escaped and am throwing shit everywhere.
In June 2007, Carroll was an Assistant DA in Northampton County. When he bought me at the Dollar Store, I thought my organ-grinding days were finally over. Little did I know he would use me to play a cruel joke on another Assistant DA who happened to be African American and female. He plopped me on her desk one day so that I would be the first thing she saw when she came in.
I may only be a stuffed monkey, but even I know that's wrong. Lots of racists were using monkeys at that time to smear Michelle Obama. They still do. This prosecutor, when she saw me, became very upset even though I am kinda' cute. She saw no humor in it.
The following Monday, I was brought into the office of the District Attorney himself. I tried explaining that I had nothing to do with this, but was unable to talk at that time. Carroll was summoned. I remember Morganelli had his head in his hands and said to Carroll, "Help me, Tom. How is this a joke?"
After a long silence, Carroll said, "I'll just resign."
And he did.
But what about me? I've been sitting in a frickin' closet for the past 11 years. I didn't get to throw shit, eat bananas or swing on anything.
But I have passed the bar. I'm suing everyone for violating my monkey rights.
After his incident was over, Carroll made pretty clear that no joke was intended. In addition to insulting this female prosecutor with a vulgar sexual term, he took to wearing monkey ties every time he came to the courthouse. He always made sure this prosecutor saw him.
Now this vindictive man wants to be the county's chief prosecutor. He's a cheeky monkey. He'll get the racist vote,. But not the monkeys.