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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Sunday, May 29, 2011

God Punishes Nazareth Moravians

Last week, the Fake Rev tells us God killed 139 Joplin residents because He was pissed at Obama. Now He's venting His Divine Wrath on Nazareth's Moravian Church. Churchgoers were greeted this morning with five feet of water in the church basement after a water main burst.

I don't have a TV like the Fake Rev, so I called God on his iPhone. Sure enough, He's in a Holy Lather because this week's sugarcake wasn't sweet enough. "It was too bland," He said. "If I wanted a Hostess twinkie, "I could just go to a 7-11."

Asked whether He might be over-reacting, the Omnipotent One snarled, "Over-reacting? This is is My Day after six days of bailing your asses out every frickin' minute. You think I could have one good cup of Joe and one half-decent Moravian sugarcake. They're lucky I didn't send a lightning bolt up their ass."

"So I guess you did whip up those tornadoes in Joplin?" I asked.

"What do you think I am, cRaZy? Only wackadoodles would think something stupid like that. Are you going to be all day? I'm teeing off with Moses in 15."

I let Him go.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Liar. Everyone knows God uses a droid. Open architecture.

Anonymous said...

leave it go.. it's now getting sickening with the fake rev bs. move onto something interesting...

Anonymous said...

I'm sure the Fake Rev will find a way to involve the Jews.

Bernie O'Hare said...

"leave it go.."

It's 'let it go,' not 'leave it go.'

Don't piss off Jesus with your poor grammar.

Anonymous said...

You are way off base Bernie. You missed the point completely. Didn't you listen to what your teabagger friend the teacher- pension taking Chris, told County Council. Before the primary he was before County Council explaining why they should dump seniors. He stated that they should not feel guilty about abandoning the Moravian mission when creating Gracedale. As he stated the Moravians were a bunch of Communists.

So that is why God is pissed. He just hates those damn Communists. Almost as much as He despises teabaggers.

Why do you think they lost the election.

Gods Right Hand Man!!

hoochi coochi momma said...

BO,

ur 1 sick sob but ur funny. however, i m disappointed u didn't blame this on callahan,barren or union goons.

Anonymous said...

fake rev took his post down. poof. nutzo.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Yeah, I noticed. I guess he got tired of being told he's off his rocker.

Anonymous said...

Let it go, and i also find it hard to believe u do not have a television. Speaking of religion, what ever happen to the pedophile Andretti was supporting?

Bernie O'Hare said...

Oh, I have a television, but do not watch TV, which I find to be mostly mindless. So I can't have any conversations with Jesus there.

As for the priest who knows Andretti, what does that have to do with anything? It is just an attempt by some nimwit to deflect attention away from an obvious nutcase who thinks Jesus sends tornadoes to kill innocent people bc he's pissed at Obama.

Anonymous said...

God doesn't like Moravians because they wouldn't let him buy a house on Market St.!

Anonymous said...

It is ashamed you don't have anything better to do with your time. Why don't you go volunteer your time helping out at a local hospital or nursing home. Do some good with your time instead of this garbage.

Anonymous said...

If God didnt want us to masterbate He wouldnt have given us a hand.

Anonymous said...

Another useless post BO. Must be a slow news day.

Anonymous said...

Strange, I talked to God all the time. When I asked about this phone call of your's, he said he didn't know who Bernie O'Hare was, and even confirmed it in his Big Book. Well good news is, he said there is still time to change this. God Bless You.

Bernie O'Hare said...

There 'ya go. No humor + conversations with God + "Big Book" = Fake Rev

Cicero said...

God's illiterate right hand man
Jamestown, Plymouth, and Bethlehem started out as communal communities. No one owned property. Common treasuries were created that did not earn interest. The Moravians were a initially a closed community. All three communities gave up their communal, communist or socialist, ways, divided up the land, allowed folks to make money and hence prospered.
Did the Moravian Church step forward during any of this and tell you they still believed in what they had done pertainig to the ALMS HOUSE now known as Gracedale?