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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Buddy Christ Brings You His Election Day Picks

Who's your Buddy? Who's the Holy One with the most Fun? That's right, bippy, it's Me. I'm back! I just sent O'Hare over to Mayor Pawlowski's house in a French maid's outfit. I sure hope Ed gives him a tip this time.

While Bernie is busy running in high heels from Allentown johns, put on a pot of Holy Water and I'll give you my election day picks.

President: O'Hare agonizes over this like Pontius Pilate. McCain and Obama are both good men. John McCain is described as a "fighter pilot in a world of politics" while Barack Obama is "an iron fist in a velvet glove." But in this dim economy, we need the voice of a poet who can inspire. Vote Obama. He's a socialist? So am I! Hangs around with low-lifes? Um, check out my dirty dozen. Bigoted? Vote for the white half! But I've got a warning for all you Obamaphiles. Give it a rest already. He's running for President, not Messiah. That job's taken.

Congress: Who the Hell names their daughter "Siobhan?" Seriously. And since when is "Sam" a nickname for that? Shouldn't it be Shiobby? Siobhan or Sam, she's a fallen angel. She brags about her nice hair, but has fibbed about writing a report to end the war in Iraq. Three Hail Marys. She fibs again when she claims Charlie Dent has tried to enrich himself in Congress. That's another three Hail Marys, Shiobby! Worst of all, she just ignored her 78 year-old newspaper carrier when he was mugged and beaten outside her home. To top things off, she gave conflicting stories about it. Sam likes to to talk about the time she spends in church. She needs to spend a little more time there and a little less time in politics. Shiobby's penance is to listen to 1,000 of her own robocalls. Vote for Charlie Dent.

State House races:

Brennan v. Gray - Who says I don't have a sense of humor? The LV delegation's most liberal member - Joe Brennan - is walking around, asking people, "Where the hell did I go wrong?" You see, his opponent, Guy Gray, comes from the left. He's a Greenie. Joe, you think I don't know you've been sleeping in on Sunday mornings? Say three Hail Marys and all is forgiven. Gray will go away. Vote Joe.

Freeman v. Shegda - Shegda is one of those goofy dudes who thinks I'm on his side. He should be a little more worried about whether he's on MY side. He brings wingnuts displaying holy cards and screaming about diabetes to a debate. Well, I've got news for you, Ron. You're not running for pope. Or surgeon general. Shegda actually argues young people need no health insurance coverage. They're invincible. He puts "Vote for Ron" signs on his car after being told a parade is nonpolitical. The Ron is NOT for you. Vote Bob Freeman!

Mann v. Welsh - Over the last four years, Jennifer Mann has tried to become state auditor, state senator and state treasurer. In the meantime, Allentown's people have become poorer and its police force has grown smaller. Instead of doing something for the least of her brethren, she's helping fat cat developers build a hockey rink. In her recent bid to run for state treasurer and state house simultaneously, she even hired political guru Severson Scissorhands, the King of Sleazeball Politics. Her campaign dished out at least $45,172. 00 to Political Strategies, Inc, a California corporation that's not even registered in Pennsylvania. That's the company Severson uses to hide his work for Democrats. It's time to grant Mann's prayer and retire her from her state house seat. Vote for Mike Welsh.

Ritter v. Day - I admire Ritter's battle with leukemia, but it's pretty clear Gary Day is simply the more knowledgeable candidate. Make Day's day. Yeah, I know he's a Republican. But he's running for state office - he's not trying to get into heaven. He's going to have to spend a gazillion years in purgatory with the Evil Ron Angle before Peter opens the pearly gates.

State row offices:

Attorney General - One is accessible. The other is not. One comes from the pits and understands street crime. The other is more comfortable sitting in country clubs. The accessible crime dog is John Morganlli. The blueblood planning to run for Governor is Tom Corbett, who looks a lot like Moses sans the beard. Vote for the home team - John Morganelli. The one thing that drives me nutz about John is his association with Severson Scissorhands. In a TV race, that should make no difference.

Auditor General - Jack Wagner is a former state Senator from western Pennsylvania who deserves re-election. As auditor general, he's uncovered problems with audits of Pennsylvania's Higher Education Assistance Agency. Chet Beiler is a Lancaster businessman with no experience, but he can speak Pennsylvania Dutch, so he's got that going for him. Wagner has his eyes on the governor's seat, too, but Beiler is too inexperienced.

Treasurer - Rob McCord is a former venture capitalist and financial manager. Tom Ellis is not. Vote McCord.

That's it, folks. Now get out and vote or you might find yourself in a French maid's outfit, too. And quit stealing those damn signs unless you want a few thunderbolts where the sun don't shine. Peace out!

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bernie,

Any good con man/woman is a smooth talker, is that the real penultimate need of the nation?
In your endorsement you have been up front on your own short comings , can the same be said of Obama?

Scott Armstrong

Anonymous said...

Let's get started on the next cycle.

What will Morganelli and Mann be running for now?

Chase said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

Jesus Christ was my words when I first heard this audio.

http://spikerogan.blogspot.com/2008/11/more-experienced-candidate-speaks-to.html


Seems leadership experience includes being clueless your being had!

Seriously great audio listen to all 6 minutes.

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

And forget Jesus. Jimmy Rollins appeard with Biden yesterday. If J-roll the man who coined the Phillies were the "team to beat". It is interesting he now feels Obama is the "candidate to beat".

I guess Mets fans will vote for McCain and Palin. lmao!

Anonymous said...

Scott,

Every candidate has strengths and weaknesses. McCain has significant weaknesses too. It would be nice if you were honest about his temperment, something that I think is critical as this country tries to right the wrongs of the last 8 years.

Anonymous said...

A vote for Obama is the political correct vote. His experience is thin, his associations abominable and suspect, his plans for the US border on socialism, but because of his ethnicity, he is forgiven all.

McCain lost his temper a few times and that makes him unfit for higher office.

Give me a break.

Rainbow Demon said...

Thanks Jesus and Bernie.
The synopsis is fun and truthful.

Anonymous said...

Funny, I voted for Obama b/c of his vision for a better America; one that elevates people above special interests, empowers people to make gov't work for them and makes America the strongest and greatest country in the world.

His race, ethnicity or political party had nothing to do with my vote. Did it have something to do with your's when you voted for McCain?

Save me the self-proclaimed righteousness. You don't know why I voted the way that I did.

dewey defeats truman said...

I voted Obama because the media told me it's inevitable.

Forget about it. said...

I'm not surprised by Bernie's "predictions". He had to get one last shot in on behalf of his Republican buddies, Dent and Welsh. Bernie doesn't like women, and we don't like him.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Don't hate me 'cuz you can't be me.

If you want to vote for someone who is allergic to the truth just because she happens to be a Democrat, knock yourself out and vote for Sam.

If you like officials who run for 3 different offices over 4 years while their district goes down the hopper, pull that Mann lever.

But above all, vote straight D. Don't think about your vote. You might get a headache.

oh, for pete's sake said...

Forget About It,

Your statement is nonsensical and childish. Responsible voters will call their parties out when they offer up lousy candidates, not attack the messenger who states the obvious. This election has shown me there are way too many people on both sides of the isle who refuse to do that. It is a shame.

And please don't attempt to speak on behalf of all women, as that would be an incredible insult to your gender. American women are extremely diverse in their beliefs and backgrounds, and I have found that most put much more thought into their political choices and statements than you seem to have.

Voting for or against someone based solely on their gender is ridiculous and does not serve any universal women's cause. Neither does blindly supporting one party without regard for an individual candidate's ability, credentials, platform or credibility. Women, like men, vote for the candidate that they feel will serve them best in office. That's why so many people in the Lehigh Valley are probably voting for both Sen. Obama and local Republicans. Deal with it.

Since you apparently stink at snarking, would you please consider contributing something of value to this thread instead? Maybe you could actually tell us about how you came to your voting decisions--besides the part where you verified which candidates were Democrats and which ones were born with ovaries and double X chromosomes, of course.

J. SPIKE ROGAN said...

Coolbaugh three in Tobyhanna turnout is huge early. Folks parking a quater mile away to vote.

Coolbaugh two where I went. No wait.

Lower Mack said...

anon 10:03, so you "voted for Obama b/c of his vision for a better America; one that elevates people above special interests" except I guess special interests like teachers unions, lawyers, and the NAACP

Timothy Russo said...

Anon 1:09

Really NAACP? That is the best you could up with?

I voted for Obama because the party I associate myself abandoned me. When the choose social issues over fiscal and government issues they lost my vote. When i had to listen to an inexperienced VP rail against inexperience on the Demos side, they lost my vote. When I witnessed one of the dirtiest and factless campaigns, they lost my vote.

There is a revolution coming in this country and it won't be demos vs repubs, but rather those of in the middle sick of the games and the blind support. voters of my generation, the ones ignored for too long, are changing the face of this country. And this is a good thing.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Tim,

Excellent points. I hope you're right about the change in mood but that's the part I don't see yet. We are still dominated by partisans and lever pullers.

Anonymous said...

Lower Mack said...
anon 10:03, so you "voted for Obama b/c of his vision for a better America; one that elevates people above special interests" except I guess special interests like teachers unions, lawyers, and the NAACP
People are always quick to pounce on the teacher unions. The three area school districts that either went on strike or threatened to strike received a lot of press. And hundreds of people responded on the MC blogs with dire criticism of the teacher's unions and their right to strike. Yet, now that the kids are back in school (even though the contracts have not been settled) all the naysayers just go their merry way and a united effort to change the laws through a diligent fight to prevent teacher strikes in Pa just goes away. People complain big time, but when it really comes times to do something about it, they do nothing. The pennsylvania legislature has the power to ban teacher strikes. But noone makes a concentrated effor to do it. The general public only moans and groans when the issue is affecting them directly (as when they have to make alternate plans for child care while their kids are home from school becuase of a strike)
And, yes, I agree the teachers union is a very powerful organization and many people say "it's useless....it can never be done" Well, Barak Obama just proved that an African American can indeed become president of the US. And I am eternally grateful for that. There is no place for bigotry in this country. American's have the right and duty to fight for what they believe in. So getting back to my original topic, everybody who feels the teacher unions have too much power...you have to do something about it besides lip service.

Anonymous said...

[Barack Obama is "an iron fist in a velvet glove."]

Guessing the glove will be coming off in January. Prepare to be crushed.

O_o