Thursday, May 30, 2013

Health Bureau: Watch For Rabid Animals and .... Bottom-Feeding Bloggers

If your husband looks like this, he has rabies. Shoot him. 
It's that time of the year again. With the warmer weather, we are spending more and more time outside, coming into contact with pets, wild animals or worse ... bottom-feeding bloggers. In the wake of news about two dudes who were attacked by a sexy fox on Bethlehem's west side, the Health Bureau has issued some helpful hints. You see, this fox had rabies, and even condoms won't help.

1) No matter how sexy, never, ever, not ever attempt to handle a wild or domesticated animal or fox or blogger that is not your own.

2) All sick or injured animals should be reported to the police department or animal control officer by calling 610-997-7641. No matter how healthy a blogger might look, call the cops.

3) When interacting with a domesticated animal, such as a dog or cat, always ask the pet owner’s permission first and approach the animal cautiously. Watch out for this little trick.
Clouseau: Does your dog bite?
Hotel Clerk: No.
Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.
[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]
Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!
Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.
4) Infants and children should never be left unattended with an animal, unless you are married to it.

5) Pet owners should keep dogs and cats up to date on rabies vaccine. Per Pennsylvania law, all domesticated dogs and cats over three months of age must be vaccinated against rabies. Legislation is pending for bloggers, and is expected to pass unanimously.

6) Do not feed wildlife, stray or feral cats or stray dogs. But you should give bloggers money. No small bills, or we'll bite. Hard.

7) Anyone who is bitten, scratched or otherwise exposed to an animal should seek prompt medical care. By law, all medical care providers must report these cases to the local health department for investigation. If it's a blogger, just call an undertaker.

Last year, the Bethlehem Health Bureau investigated 161 reported cases of animal-to- human exposures in the City. The bureau provides animal safety presentations to schools and other community groups. To schedule a presentation, call 610-865-7087.

Next week, they'll be issuing their annual zombie warning.

2 comments:

Hokie Joe said...

Hey der, hous abot boddom feddors haven sex mit my sheep. Gutfadum lokamole, dat shood be aginst da law to. You boddom feeders wood hav sex mit a snake if ya coud hold it don. Stay way from my farm Bernie.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Naaaaaaaaaaaaa.