About Me

My photo
Nazareth, Pa., United States

Monday, July 02, 2007

Parental Warnings for Lehigh Valley Blogosphere

Last week, Gort falsely advertised himself at some goofy dating service as a 22 year-old studmuffin with money to burn, looking for Mr. Right. I know because I answered his ads. That's a story for another day. But before my encounter with Gort, I discovered this dating service actually rates blogs! So without further ado, let's check out LV blogs.

Blogs Rated G

Online DatingThese should be the wimpy blogs, the kind you can show your boss. So how the hell did LVDem slip in there? Obviously, he bribed the raters. Hey Blue Coyote, don't it make your brown eyes blue?BethlemDem and Bethlehem Blog Times both get Gs, proving once again that Bethlehemites are so damn nice it makes me want to puke. Green Dog dem must be a hush puppy. Sit! Roll over! NewsOverCoffee, a Nazareth blogger, is probably the only person proud of his G rating. I haven't quite figured out BillyBytes's rating. If you knew what Billy was biting, he'd be way beyond G. They might be giving him a break because he's from Mars, or is it Gupiter? Molovinsky on Allentown, I'm sure, will be complaining his weak rating is just more evidence of a vast liberal conspiracy to get him. And Mike, you're right! I'm the grand wizard and I'll ask Mayor Ed to show you our secret handshake. Damien Brown's Our West End Neighborhood gets a G? Excuse me, but how the hell can someone write exclusively about Allentown and get away with a G? Maybe it means Gringo, Damien. Your Mambo ads fool no one. And who the hell names their kid Damien, anyway? That's almost as bad as Bernard. The After Work Chronicles must be thrilled with a G. I just hope my after work chronicles escape that rating until I've been dead for ten years. Beyond Scrapple? I'm sorry, but anything with scrapple in it deserves an X rating unless the G stands for garbage. Do you know what's in that stuff? Glenn Kranzley started eating it, and turned into an editor! Lehigh Valley Road Rage? Obviously, they don't want to piss off this dude. Northern Lehigh Valley Logic might be G but is also an oxymoron. Right From Lehigh County? Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't the words "Republican" and "Bush" pretty damn vulgar? Bill White, who's currently spending his summer holiday in a tent at Jolly Joe Timmer's grove, deserves that G rating. That's what he gets for bloggin' about Mark Trail. Joe Owens? A G? This dude writes three blogs shitting all over me, and he gets away with a G??

Blogs Rated PG

Online DatingEaston Undressed is undressed and gets away with a PG? Must be a very tiny egg roll. AJ's Web Blog, a 23 year-old dude, must really be proud. He can brag about his PG next time he drinks a cup of warm milk with his mommy. Capitol Ideas had that coveted G in the bag until he wrote the words "Bernie O'Hare." Jim Deegan's rating is under protest by Mike Fleck for some Fleckin' reason.

Blogs Rated PG-13

Online Dating The blogger formerly known as Addicted is trying to clean up his act. Pennsylvania Ave. occasionally has to write the word "Congress," which explains his spicy rating. Perspectives with Pamela Varkony was doing fine until she wrote about BernieGate.

Blogs Rated R
LVCurmudgeon is that bastard who won the Christmas parody contest. He hasn't posted much lately, and should be out in three to six months. Look Out Lehigh Valley likes to say shit a lot. I shit you not!

Blog Rated NC-17

Online DatingLVPoliblog has the distinction of being the only LV blog rated NC-17. What a frickin' shocker! Boy, I never saw that one coming.


Me? Well, every time I plugged in my blog, the server went down. But I see all kinds of cop cars from my window and it looks like someone is ...

20 comments:

Blah Society said...

Correction, I'm a 24-year-old PG Rated dude, lol.

I suppose all my "douche bag" and "jerk-off comments" are considered offensive, yet mild, lol.

LVDem said...

Keystone politics received a PG rating when I checked... because we had the word Crack on our front page. I was talking about somebody cracking, but they thought we meant the stuff you can buy on the streets. Details.

Chris Casey said...

Leave it to the PoliBlog to get an NC-17. How the Hell did that happen? Whoops! Bad word!

Greendogdem said...

says i only used the word pissed once i'll have to try better

Anonymous said...

I rated an "R"?! That's it, boys and girls, I'm back -- and wait till you see this year's Christmas song!

The Curmudgeon

Anonymous said...

Just one note ... let the record show that "Capitol Ideas" was the first to refer to Chris Casey's little tea party as the "LV-Poliblog." And now it's passed into actual usage.
We couldn't be more proud.

A Big Fat Slob said...

I got an NC-17, also. That's fucking bullshit.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Chris, ABFS:

I was fuckin' surprised to hear about both of those ratings.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Micek, If Casey had any decency, he'd either offer you all of his nonexistent advertising revenue or declare a John Micek Apprciation Day when he finally gets elected to something.

Gort said...

Bernie, Only you could ruin a night to remember by spilling the beans.

Chris Casey said...

I knew I shouldn't have let bats back in, Carrie has moved away, so we should be getting a nicer rating, right?

Bernie O'Hare said...

Gort, Sorry, dude, but I got tired of sitting in that pit putting on lotion.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Casey, Google will probably pull your plug in a month.

Look Out Lehigh Valley said...

I feel like I'm going to have trouble living up to this expectation. However I will ask this question:

since when is "suck" a bad word? Its just plain slang like the rest of the english slanguage. One time in high school I was told I had to change my tee shirt (it said "the radio still sucks") and I thought that was just some fluke...

Anonymous said...

Hey ABFS how did you get a picture of Angle relaxing at home?

Anonymous said...

LOLV asked ''since when is "suck" a bad word? Its just plain slang like the rest of the english slanguage.''

I believe its etymology begins with the phrase, ''that sucks c0ck.'' But, yes, it is now considered fairly mild; although I still won't let my children say it.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Anon 3:31, That's not Ron. He's be smoking a cigar or saying, "The bottom line."

RadCenter said...

Look Out Lehigh Valley said...
since when is "suck" a bad word? Its just plain slang like the rest of the english slanguage. One time in high school I was told I had to change my tee shirt (it said "the radio still sucks") and I thought that was just some fluke..

3:14 PM

When I was in high school, in the late '70s, boys used to write "[insert girl's name here] sucks" on restroom walls to let each other know which girls on campus would perform fellatio. Most often, the boys did this to ruin the reputation of girls who had rejected them. It was the supreme insult to a girl's character--admittedly a quaint concept these days. I still consider this expression vulgar and wish it would disappear (along with "blows"). The fact that it's "now considered fairly mild" just shows you how far American discourse has fallen in the past few decades. Considering that there are more than a quarter of a million words in the English language (most of them not "just plain slang"), why not develop your vocabulary instead of using vague expressions like "suck"? What does one mean when one says "the radio still sucks"? Not enough polka? Too many traffic reports?

Ironically, the acceptance of vulgarity and profanity as part of our political discourse has made them less and less effective for their shock value. So sometimes language must escalate until physical violence is the outcome. Ask any battered wife, and she will probably attest that her beatings were preceded by a profane tirade. Gutter talk is really the last resort of the linguistically impotent.

Anonymous said...

I believe suck is gender neutral. It was on walls in the 50's and will probably be there for a long time to come. Actually men use it against men more than against women. Some men are appreciative of the term and proud of it. I agree it is slang and today too much slang is used but I think 'suck' is the least offensive.

Look Out Lehigh Valley said...

well I'm not looking to get into a philosophical debate over slang - lets just say I don't particularly agree. My education is in writing, so accurately expressing myself is something I care about. Often, I find that slang more accurately conveys what I'm thinking or feeling than our traditional words. I'm not offended by profanity. On the other hand I'm completely offended by bigoted remarks, which often come disguised in a pink ribbon of vocabulary. Beyond that, there is a giant vocabulary out there that slides under the radar that I find extremely hateful, the prime example being when people say "that's gay." to mean that its uncool.

I, in fact, had no real idea of the etymology of the word "suck" which is why I asked. Obviously by the time I started to speak the word "suck" was used so often without the word "cock" that I never associated the two. Now that I know where it comes from I probably will work to eliminate it from my daily usage (although I will still say "shit" and "pissed" frequently).