"Terrorist Columnist" Bill White Bestows Major Award

This has been quite the year for major awards. I was named best political blogger by the Morning Call, after another culprit and I gamed the system by voting for my blog every day. I got a plaque. Then I snagged a second place Keystone Press Award in the "continuing news coverage" category for my NIZ stories, most of which I plagiarized. That was in the "ridiculously small weekly newspaper" division. I got another plaque. I also attended a banquet to see one reporter wearing a Drudge hat and another wearing a dress made out of newsprint. Very cool. But this all pales in comparison to the most recent major award bestowed on me. I am now a member of Bill White's illustrious Hall of Fame, right up there with Ron Angle, the late Emma Tropiano, Jim Gregory, Abe Atiyeh, Lou Hershman, Will Power and numerous other luminaries.

Thanks a frickin' lot.

This is no Nathan Ogden award.

Why not just stick my tongue in a socket, Bill?

White is under the impression that I secretly longed for induction because I compared his so-called honor to a colonial era ducking stool. No, Bill, I don't know how much more frickin' clear I could have been. I consider it a public humiliation, almost as bad as getting disbarred. I've already received this thoughtful  message. "Welcome to the hall of fame!!! Hahaha!!! You douche bag!"

I'll be getting them all day.

Aside from White, I have two other real assholes to thank. One of them is Ron Angle, who wanted me enshrined with Mezzacappa. This is a woman who has even sued Angle for stalking her, claiming that he's my back up. The other asshole is Executive John Stoffa, who seems to think that he belongs there, too. I have no idea what planet he inhabits, but it's not Earth. .

When Angle and Stoffa told me what they had done, I immediately threatened to jump off a bridge. Angle asked me to wait until he can take out a $1.3 million life insurance policy, and also offered to draw up my Will.  Stoffa told me I had to wait 6 months until he's out of office, unless I wanted to take the plunge from a Lehigh County bridge.

These are my friends!

To really rub my nose in it, White has lumped me in there with Dennis Pearson, who says things like, "Sounding Forth the Trumpet That Shall Never Sound Retreat." Dennis, incidentally, is an amateur astronaut who speaks fluent Klingon.

Dennis, I don't know if you want to picket White or sue him or something. If you do, I'm in. This is exactly what I'd expect from someone who's been labeled by the Fake Rev as both a terrorist columnist and a Fabian socialist. 

What really annoys me, more than anything, is that I don't even get a plaque.

White has only himself to blame for me. He drew attention to this blog back when I only had about twenty readers a day. After his one post about me, my readership shot up into the gazillions, right up there with Drudge. Well, maybe not, but he did increase my readership.

I appreciate his humor very much, even when I disagree with him politically.That is much rarer than he may think.  His grammar police entries give me nightmares of my days in grade school, where I was taught there were 48 states.