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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Photograhed by the Coroner

He must have photoshopped my stomach. 
This all started a few years ago, when Northampton County Coroner Zach Lysek gave Council a pretty graphic description of his typical day.

"It doesn't matter how good looking a person is, we all stink," he observed, in the middle of a discussion about blood spatters and how bodies decompose.

Thank you, thank you, I thought, as I ran to the can.

After a few dry heaves, I walked back in.

"Tell 'em what you do with the bodies," prompted then Executive John Stoffa.

Lysek then started talking about gross tissue samples and some 16-slice scanning machine that sounds like something you'd see in a zombie deli. When he started talking about getting sprayed by dead bodies, I was out the door permanently.

Ever since that day, whenever Lysek sees me, he asks, "Are you feeling alright?"

"You sure?"

Last night was no exception at Council Committee meetings. I have no idea why he was even there, but he kept smiling at me.

After the shouting was over, I turned around and he was right behind me!

"Are you alright?"

Then he asked if he could take my picture. He knows how to use a camera and must have had lots of practice, but I had to lie down.


Anonymous said...

At least you didn't get to wear those pretty toe-tags.

Captain Ahab said...

Whosoever of ye raises me a white-headed whale with a wrinkled brow and a crooked jaw; whosoever of ye raises me that white-headed whale, with three holes punctured in his starboard fluke- look you, whosoever of ye raises me that same white whale, he shall have this gold ounce, my boys!

Bernie O'Hare said...

The camera adds 10 pounds and I had four of them for lunch.

Anonymous said...

Why would You even waste Your time on Zach, he is as crooked as they come if it werent for the politics and the favors H e has done He would been gone a long time ago.....

Bernie O'Hare said...

I happen to like Zach very much and consider him a very honorable man. He also has a sense of humor, something that must have been surgically removed from you.

Anonymous said...

Good thing he didn't need to do a chalk outline.

He would have busted the budget on a rush order from the White Cliffs of Dover.

Anonymous said...

now that was the shit that makes gut buying belly laughs¿!($ A toetag and some chalk would have added to this article of humor, the personal touch of the belly seen was the best though¿!($
The person making statements of a corrupt coronor must be one a little left of the hemrod inside the spincter epicenter pussie boil cist in the cistern of the nation¿!($
This is second to the cistern of the world¿!($
Shit come to think of it even embalming does not take care of the ugliness in the soul, paint that any colur you will with the flipp flopp¿!($
patent pending

Bernie O'Hare said...

"Good thing he didn't need to do a chalk outline.

He would have busted the budget on a rush order from the White Cliffs of Dover."


Anonymous said...

I just had to take another gander of that pic¿!($ Still laughing and can't stop waitin for opoinions to post¿!$
patent pending