Lehigh County Deputy Coroner Seeking His Retiring Boss' Job

Lehigh County Coroner Scott M. Grim, a man with a name that really fits the job, has announced he is retiring. His top deputy, Eric D. Minnich, is seeking the Democratic nomination for Lehigh County Coroner in this year's election. Minnich, 41, began his employment with the Lehigh County Coroner’s Office as a part-time Deputy Coroner in 2006. By 2007, Minnich began as a full-time Deputy Coroner. In 2012, he was promoted to First Deputy Coroner and Operations Manager. Grim.

As First Deputy Coroner, Minnich oversees the daily operations of the office; including scheduling, staffing, training, monthly and yearly statistical reporting, policy development and review, disaster planning, interagency relations, vehicle maintenance and other duties that assist our office in completing its mission. Minnich has worked with several local school districts and assisted them with their Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) mock accident. This position has also allowed Minnich to work side by side with Coroner Grim and the rest of the Coroner’s Office staff at several major incidents; including the recent car explosion in Allentown and on several major projects; including the first re-accreditation at the new Forensics Center by the International Association of Coroners and Medical Examiners.

Prior to working for the County, Minnich worked as an EMT and Paramedic throughout the area. “My medical training and over 24 years of emergency medical experience has been a tremendous asset to my investigations and our office. Additionally, I’m serving my 28th year as a volunteer and Assistant Chief with the Neffs Volunteer Fire Company,” says Minnich.

“In seeking the position of Lehigh County Coroner, it is my hope to lead the office with the same respect, professionalism and compassion that I’ve come to know under the leadership of Coroner Scott M. Grim.” Minnich humbly asks for the voters, and all people of Lehigh County, the opportunity to serve them with his leadership and a strategy of continuing to operate the Lehigh County Coroner’s Office to the highest recognized standard.

Minnich plans to run an aggressive campaign, host and attend numerous meet and greets, and hopes to give the public a better understanding of what the duties and responsibilities of a Coroner involves.

He currently resides in Schnecksville with his wife Pamela, a Registered Nurse, and is the father of three girls.

Unlike Lehigh County, there is no election for Coroner in Northampton County. We're stuck with Zach Lyseck. He visited my gym with a body bag a few nights ago and just stood there, smiling, as I exercised.

"Push a little harder," he said. "You look a little pale."

Photograhed by the Coroner

He must have photoshopped my stomach. 

This all started a few years ago, when Northampton County Coroner Zach Lysek gave Council a pretty graphic description of his typical day.

"It doesn't matter how good looking a person is, we all stink," he observed, in the middle of a discussion about blood spatters and how bodies decompose.

Thank you, thank you, I thought, as I ran to the can.

After a few dry heaves, I walked back in.

"Tell 'em what you do with the bodies," prompted then Executive John Stoffa.

Lysek then started talking about gross tissue samples and some 16-slice scanning machine that sounds like something you'd see in a zombie deli. When he started talking about getting sprayed by dead bodies, I was out the door permanently.

Ever since that day, whenever Lysek sees me, he asks, "Are you feeling alright?"

"You sure?"

Last night was no exception at Council Committee meetings. I have no idea why he was even there, but he kept smiling at me.

After the shouting was over, I turned around and he was right behind me!

"Are you alright?"

Then he asked if he could take my picture. He knows how to use a camera and must have had lots of practice, but I had to lie down.

I Am Seeing Coroner Way Too Often

Ever since he made me hurl with the graphic descriptions of what he does at a Council meeting, I've been bumping into Northampton County Coroner Zach Lysek just about everywhere. He always asks, "Are you all right?" Last week, he started measuring me. This is beginning to scare the shit out of me.

He had a budgetary request last night that sounded a lot more complicated than it is. He just wants one additional deputy coroner and a secretary, but translating it into bureaucratese made it sound like he was seeking a staff of 50.

"Was there some event that happened in this County that we need to be aware of?" asked President john Cusick.

Then Lamont McClure started asking all kinds of questions, like how many people die every day (10), how many are suicides, etc.. Then for some reason, they started talking about blood splatters and how rough people look when they die and start decomposing.

"It doesn't matter how good looking a person is, we all stink," noted Lysek.

Nice to know. Thank you very much. If Lysek talks for more than three minutes tonight, I'm in trouble. So is everyone within a 3' radius of me.

Remains Removal With A Touch of Class

Whenever I'd complain to my Drill Sergeant about anything, his constant refrain was "Life's a bitch and then you die." Every now and then, he'd add, "Then things get easier. People carry you wherever you have to go." Damn if that bastard wan't right!

Yesterday, Council approved Coroner Zach Lysek's request to hire two companies for remains removal. They'll get between $200 and $230 a pop. They'll charge extra for the plus sizes among us.

According to the Coroner, who assured me I am still alive, "Most people don't die on the first floor by the front door." From now on, that's where I'll be sleeping. I figure that way I'll be immortal.

Believe it or not, one of these gigs was awarded to an auto detailing biz on S. 27th Street called a Touch of Class. They'll move your mass, but with a touch of class. Might even throw in a shine.