Thursday, June 13, 2013

"Terrorist Columnist" Bill White Bestows Major Award

This has been quite the year for major awards. I was named best political blogger by the Morning Call, after another culprit and I gamed the system by voting for my blog every day. I got a plaque. Then I snagged a second place Keystone Press Award in the "continuing news coverage" category for my NIZ stories, most of which I plagiarized. That was in the "ridiculously small weekly newspaper" division. I got another plaque. I also attended a banquet to see one reporter wearing a Drudge hat and another wearing a dress made out of newsprint. Very cool. But this all pales in comparison to the most recent major award bestowed on me. I am now a member of Bill White's illustrious Hall of Fame, right up there with Ron Angle, the late Emma Tropiano, Jim Gregory, Abe Atiyeh, Lou Hershman, Will Power and numerous other luminaries.

Thanks a frickin' lot.

This is no Nathan Ogden award.

Why not just stick my tongue in a socket, Bill?

White is under the impression that I secretly longed for induction because I compared his so-called honor to a colonial era ducking stool. No, Bill, I don't know how much more frickin' clear I could have been. I consider it a public humiliation, almost as bad as getting disbarred. I've already received this thoughtful  message. "Welcome to the hall of fame!!! Hahaha!!! You douche bag!"

I'll be getting them all day.

Aside from White, I have two other real assholes to thank. One of them is Ron Angle, who wanted me enshrined with Mezzacappa. This is a woman who has even sued Angle for stalking her, claiming that he's my back up. The other asshole is Executive John Stoffa, who seems to think that he belongs there, too. I have no idea what planet he inhabits, but it's not Earth. .

When Angle and Stoffa told me what they had done, I immediately threatened to jump off a bridge. Angle asked me to wait until he can take out a $1.3 million life insurance policy, and also offered to draw up my Will.  Stoffa told me I had to wait 6 months until he's out of office, unless I wanted to take the plunge from a Lehigh County bridge.

These are my friends!

To really rub my nose in it, White has lumped me in there with Dennis Pearson, who says things like, "Sounding Forth the Trumpet That Shall Never Sound Retreat." Dennis, incidentally, is an amateur astronaut who speaks fluent Klingon.

Dennis, I don't know if you want to picket White or sue him or something. If you do, I'm in. This is exactly what I'd expect from someone who's been labeled by the Fake Rev as both a terrorist columnist and a Fabian socialist. 

What really annoys me, more than anything, is that I don't even get a plaque.

White has only himself to blame for me. He drew attention to this blog back when I only had about twenty readers a day. After his one post about me, my readership shot up into the gazillions, right up there with Drudge. Well, maybe not, but he did increase my readership.

I appreciate his humor very much, even when I disagree with him politically.That is much rarer than he may think.  His grammar police entries give me nightmares of my days in grade school, where I was taught there were 48 states.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Richly deserved. The only thing better would have been your induction with Tricia Mezzacappa, as the Hall of Shame Political Power couple of the year.

Word on the Street is you and Gregory are going on the road to debate the merits of "Fabian Socialism vis a vie, Fabian music of the 60's".

That is mine White, don't you dare lift it.

lol!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations you bas---d! You deserve it !

Anonymous said...

Bravo!! Long overdue. Once John Stoffa is added the worst three will be together again in history.

Anonymous said...

Bernie, is the MC still printed all seven days? I remember talk of cutting the production days and going more online.

Jim Gregory said...

Welcome !

Uncle Remus said...

congrats - well deserved

gracedale goons - eat your heart out

Hokie Joe said...

Okay Bernie, you made it to the "BIG TIME". I don't think you deserve to be in the same category as Gregory but you do deserve some type of recognition for some of the shenanigans you pulled over the years. Unlike the people you are enshrined with, you did a lot of good with your Blog. I know you are laughing about all of this and you welcome the notoriety. However, Bill White should have recognized you for all the stories you made public that they picked up on and ran in their newspaper without giving you any credit what-so-ever.

Larry the Cable Guy said...

OMG, Stop the presses until we recognize with a medal of freedom the first reporter to report that farts stink.The public has the right to know.Ya gotta way to go with readership Bernie,there must be thousands of fart smellers out there in the blogeshere.

Bernie O'Hare said...

7:04, whyvdo you ask questions that you could answer for youself with one minute of research or a call?

Anonymous said...

Hokie Joe likes Bernie's farts.

Mr. know it all said...

I can't believe Bill White put you in the same classification as asshole Gregory. This poor excuse for a human being doesn't belong in a category with you and Ron Angle. How many fences did you attempt to climb? How many props did you bring before County Council. How many ex girlfriends did you assault? How many PFA's did you have against you? Gregory is a schmuck. A poor excuse for a human being. White really screwed you when he gave you the same classification,
sign me Mr. Knowledgeable

Bernie O'Hare said...

It is no honor, but the people who really piss me off are Angle and Stoffa. And now they're laughing. White even admits he was swayed by those morons. And those are my friends. I di jump off a bridge, but it was too low.

Fries Come With the Shakes! said...

Here is what is hilarious. You don't want to get in and you got in. The Blog Mentor has been screaming bloody murder for any kind of attention. He would do anything to get into that Hall of Fame. And yet, he never even received even a nomination or even a mention in White's article. A-maz-ing!

Anonymous said...

We deserved! Bravo!!