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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Meet Walter and Clara

Walter and Clara on Thursday night
I've told you before about security measures at Ron Angle's farm. Sure he has barbed wire and vicious dogs on constant patrol. Yes, his property is surrounded by a moat infested by man-eating sharks with laser beams attached to their heads. If you make it past them, there's sludge pellets scattered everywhere like landmines. Step on one and you get bubonic plague. But his most effective deterrent were his guard geese.

I narrowly escaped with my life during several visits. They were mean, ugly, loud, foul-tempered and fat. Just like me. They'd even go after Ron. They hated everyone. But for some reason, Ron adored them.

About a year or so ago, they both died. The first was accidentally run over by one of Ron's helpers. Ron thought it was intentional until he accidentally ran over the second about a week later.

Walter and Clara on Sunday night, double the size
of Thursday and on their third box. 
Quite upset at being a goose killer, he called me. "I don't know what I'm going to tell Max," he said.  Max is one of Ron's two sons. The goose Ron killed, named Gertrude, was raised by Max. He had found the egg and used a heat lamp to bring this killer goose to life.

Over the past year, I've been looking for replacements. It's really hard, you know. They don't sell goslings anywhere near here. Then, on election day, a poll worker told me I might be able to find them at The Mill in Germansville. I was in luck.

Last week, I delivered two embden goslings to Ron and his wife Sharon.

They loved them. Sharon was hugging them like little babies. Even Ron held them. They are keeping them on a porch until they get a little bigger, which will happen very fast. A male embden is 40 pounds and mean as hell.

I had provisionally named them "Little Ron"and "Little Sharon." But when we went to dinner that night, we ran into two little kids named Walter and Clara who were climbing the walls at the restaurant. We all agreed this was a sign from above, and these vicious killers are now Walter and Clara.

"We'll invite you up when we cook 'em," were Ron's parting words to me.

6 comments:

Bill Hillanbrand said...

This is not a far fetched story. While deployed to Germany, I remember the U.S. Army had flocks of geese for security around air defense posts. Currently, the U.S. Air Force utilizes falcons to prevent wildlife interference on the flight lines.

http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,961483,00.html

https://www.spangdahlem.af.mil/News/Article-Display/Article/729911/wing-leadership-participates-in-wildlife-management/

Anonymous said...

thought Germansville only had pigs and chickens.

Anonymous said...

Were Is The Beef?

Anonymous said...

Did you try talking Ron into running for county executive? We need someone who can make Northampton County great again!

Anonymous said...

Great story. I have a dog turd laying in my yard that is as useful as lazy Joe Emrick, they do nothing state representative

Anonymous said...

I live in Bangor with the very same turd representative Joe Emrick! Only a matter of time like Len Gruppo he will be voted out