Thursday, July 23, 2015
Bill White Assaulted at Bethlehem City Hall
If you're a nice guy like me, government officials will do anything for you. In Easton, whenever I get a ticket, Mayor Panto fixes it immediately. In Allentown, Mayor Pawlowski lets me use his office. You won't believe the things I've said on the phone! In Bethlehem, it's usually a police escort at 75 mph, with sirens wailing. Sometimes I ride in on horseback, like Putin. These are the kind of perks you can expect as a pay-to-play bottom-feeding blogger. Michael Molovinsky, though not quite as nice as I, can never go out to eat without some politician picking up the tab and some groupie throwing herself at him. But neither of us would be stupid enough to post life-size cut-outs of ourselves at Town Hall, as Morning Call columnist Bill White recently did. It scared the shit out me last night when I attended a zoning hearing. I assaulted it. Bethlehem police congratulated me.
I also stole his frickin' Christmas lights.
By the way, he's nothing like what you see in that picture, which is the only reason he likes it. In real life, he's about 5'2" and 400 pounds. I'm a svelte 6'0". The camera makes me look a little heavier.