Sitting in the Peanut Gallery With John Morganelli

I was pretty nasty to Northampton County DA John Morganelli yesterday. I called him "Farmer John," made fun of his new book (I'm really just jealous), and even belittled his crusade against undocumented workers. I've done it before. A few months ago, I falsely reported that John was building a wall around the Lehigh Valley to insulate us from dreaded illegal immigrants. It would be funded by surcharges at Taco Bell.

After casting my stones, I was having great fun in the peanut gallery at last night's lengthy meeting of Northampton County Council. The suits were trying to save $2.6 million in public funding for a Wind Gap developer's road. This project was funded six years ago, but has gone nowhere. Council was finally ready to pull the plug. Ralph Stampone noticed that whenever the suits started talking, their noses grew longer. And from behind me, John Maher whispered that WWII was over in less time than has been allotted for that road. Some goofy old guy in a gigantic cowboy hat kept insisting they were really serious this time. Really! And his Green Knights had a gazillion dollars to back the project. Council finally flushed this project, no thanks to Lamont McClure or Charles Dertinger.

While we were laughing at these developments, somebody plopped right next to me in the peanut gallery.

It was John Morganelli! Holy cannoli!

He nailed me before I could run and hide. No wonder he's the DA! He laughed off yesterday's blog post, and even agreed it was funny. After this, I "introduced" John to Will Power and asked for John's support. I'm trying to "clear the field" for Will. Before long, John was laughing in the peanut gallery with the rest of us.

Morganelli is a very powerful Democrat, and I do pick on him at times. But I do respect and admire him. He's very accessible, personable and is probably Northampton County's best district attorney. Obviously, he has a great sense of humor. I just don't like his taste in county council candidates.

One final point. During last night's meeting, Nazareth councilman Jack Herbst made an eloquent pitch for county participation in a skate park. Council Prez Grube whispered, just a little too loudly, that he couldn't wait to see it built so he could watch me fall on my fat ass.

Since I'm always braying about open government, I can only blame myself. Now I'm going to cry myself to sleep on my little pillow.

My First Ever Back Room Meeting

Northampton County's citizens' election committee met last night, and I'll be writing about that meeting in a separate post. After the meeting was over, elections commissioner Ralph Stampone invited me to join him at the Tic Toc diner for a slice of pie. "Thirty minutes, Bernie. Tops!"

I wanted to get home so I could write up the damn meeting, but I'm not one to turn down free food. I figured I could gobble the pie and stick Ralph with the bill pretty easily. He's a fat guy, too, and lacks my lightning speed.

I met my date Ralph at Tic Toc, and was waiting for my pie when these two white collar skinny guys came in and sat right next to us. One of them was Russ Shade, who looked like he hadn't eaten for several days. The other thin man was about 18 feet tall and wearing a ridiculous Sherlock Holmes hat. That was John Stoffa.

We fat guys ordered one small slice of blueberry pie. That was my frickin' dinner. The skinny guys ate like there was no tomorrow. Stoffa, who kept saying, "Elementary, my dear O'Hare," scarfed down a mega omelet. Shade gobbled at tuna melt, fries, onion rings and then started drinking all those half and half creamers that diner waitresses toss at you when you order coffee.

I figured I should stick around because I might get some inside info for a good blog post. But after about an hour, all these bastards were talking about was chocolate pie. So I said my goodbyes and was getting ready to leave when the bill came. I ended up spending $5 for one slice of blueberry pie and coffee, and I think Shade was licking my plate as I left.

So now I'm out $5, hungry, behind in my writing and all I have to show for my efforts is this lousy post.

That's OK. Ralph now has a flat tire.