Thursday, January 18, 2007

How to Get Hold of a Local Pol

I don't know about you, but most of the people I call aren't working these days. This is what usually happens.

"Good morning. Mr. McClure's office. May I help you?"

"Why sure, I'd like to speak to Lamont." (I always use the given name to imply I'm a bud).

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Why sure, it's Brrrnee Mfhair." (When I muffle the name I improve my odds).


"Bernie O'Hare. Like the airport. They named that after me, you know." (A little humor to gain the trust of the hired help).

"Hold please."

After about an hour, I have to hang up and try again. There must be something wrong with my phone because this happens with everyone I call except bill collectors, and they call me.

"Good afternoon. Mr. McClure's office. May I help you?"

"Mr. McClure, please." (After the buddy approach fails, I next try to sound like a busy professional).

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Mister McNair." (Try to be curt and sound a bit pompous here).

"Oh, hold on Mr. O'Hare, I'll see if he's here."

After about an hour, I have to hang up and try again.

"Good afternoon. Mr. McClure's office. May I help you?"

"Put that bastard on the phone." (At this point, try to sound as mean as cat shit).

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Yeah, it's Wayne Grube. Get him now. I haven't got all day. I'm the president of county council." (If all else fails, impersonate).

"Hold on, Mr. O'Hare. I'll see if he's here." (I always forget about caller ID).

After another hour, I have to hang up and try again. Give up? Never!!

"You have reached the law offices of Lamont McClure. Please leave a message. Your call is very important to us. And if this is Bernie O'Hare, Mr. McClure will return on February 30."

And so the battle rages.


LSTresidentPIA said...

He must not like you or something. I have called his offfice and has taken my call at least once. There was one time though that I left a message and it was never retuned. But at the same time, there was one day when out of the blue he emailed me and told me he was working on the bridge problem. Never heard from him about it since. Still waiting.

Anonymous said...

Along these same lines (sort of) there a website out there one can log onto to see how our elected officials (state & federal) voted on bills, issues, etc.? I know some of the special interest groups have websites where you can see how officials voted on special interest issues. But is there a site out there where you can readily see how they voted on all issues as they happen? Thanks.

Bernie O'Hare said...

I knmow some sites, but not much about state votes. I'll try to locate some and do a post. That's a great suggestion.

Anonymous said...

What you need to do, to get his attention, is start sending him Thank you cards for the flowers, and chocolate, and oh, don't forget the diamond necklace!
After a week or two of that, email him from a dead Yahoo address,(use a laptop from a public server like Panera bread) and send instructions for a sexual roundevouz. Then park nearby and watch what happens!

Bernie O'Hare said...

Anon 1:44, Was that you? I waited at that park for three hours!

Anonymous said...

Ironically enough, Mr. McClure was supposed to be a contact person for the Palmer House (a senior high-rise in Palmerton). The residents there claimed they could never get him on the phone if they had issues - they even wrote letters which went unanswered. And I"m sure "Bernie O'Hare" did not show on the caller ID when they called...

Don't ask me how he got involved with senior housing....

Bernie O'Hare said...

Windgapper, In fairness to Lamont, I should point out that the McClure you refer to is a different McClure. I believe he's Lamanot's father. And the sins of the father shall not be visited upon the son. Otherwise, my poor saon is in a world of hurt.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I am glad to hear that. Let's just say there are a lot of cranky senior citizens up there that were complaining about Lamont McClure LOL

They tell me that the Mr. McClure from the housing authority is too busy golfing to respond to their queries...