PASADENA, CA: After seeing Darth Vader lead two hundred storm troopers along Colorado Boulevard in yesterday's Rose Parade, President Bush decided to send them to Iraq. "I'm a war president. I make decisions here in the Oval Office in foreign-policy matters with war on my mind." Bush is convinced that white storm trooper uniforms are cooler in desert heat and have a powerful psychological impact. Vice President Cheney agreed. "Let's face it. Do we really want American soldiers running around in berets? That's French, damn it. No wonder everyone is talking about giving up. We need something that truly reflects our Force as we spread democracy to oil-rich nations."
Bush is reputedly also considering an executive order replacing "Hail to the Chief" with the "Star Wars Imperial March."