Monday, December 27, 2010

Call Me Reverend

Call me Reverend.

It may take years of arduous study to become a rabbi, priest or even a UCC minister, but the Universal Life Church Monastery ordained me online last night, no questions asked. All I had to do was give them my name, address and email. No charge.

I started rolling around on the floor, speaking in tongues immediately. I feel holier already.

Guess what? That's exactly what my fellow clergyman, the Right Reverend Mario Martinez has done. He's the dude who claims God is on his side in the Gracedale dispute and that Angle is the Devil.

Amen. As an ordained minister, I suggest an exorcism. Maybe the Spanish Inquisition.

Contrary to what you may think, Rev. Martinez did not get his ordination papers out of a cereal box. No, siree, he did exactly what I did. He was ordained online by The Love Church, which admits "[o]ur degrees are not regionally accredited by an agency accepted by the U.S. Dept. of Commerce."

And Lo and Behold, the Reverend is already fleecing his flock.

Martinez has an online Church called "The Spirit Without Limit." In addition to enlightening us about the difference between BC and AD, what the good Rev. really does is hit us up for dough. He calls it a tithe. Sounds holier. Hey, maintaining an online church costs money! Do you think religion is for the poor? The Rev. claims to be collecting money for two different charitable organizations. Kids. Donations are supposed to be sent to his Holy Post Office Box.

Funny thing about that. I was unable to find any registration information for Rev. Martinez' church, either as a nonprofit or charitable organization. But when Rev. Mario registered his Holy Domain, he lists "Eyesore Investments" as the administrative organization. That's some sort of real estate investment firm that claims to purchase and rent out properties here in the Lehigh Valley. I never heard of it.

It has the same Holy Post Office Box as the Rev's online church.

Martinez registered the domain and a fictitous name for his business.

Now why does this bother me? Because people like the fake Rev. denigrate the good work done by real clergy and use their status as a weapon, as the fake Rev. has done with Gracedale.

They're as bad as lawn gnomes.

By the way, I'm collecting money for The Human Fund. You can trust me. I'm an ordained minister.


Anonymous said...

So you are saying he is no better than a disbarred attorney?

Anonymous said...

This is standard Angle and O'Hare sleaze procedure. They attempt to vilify their opposition with vile personal attacks. O'Hare has attacked this man, his profession and his wife and family.

This has been the mo for Angle and O'Hare for years.

This preacher with his alleged "fake" credentials is more an attorney than O'Hare and more a man of God than a hypocrite like Mike Dowd.

Keep fighting the good fight and know that if O'hare attacks you and Angle attacks you, you are surely in the right and on the side of God.

Fight the Darkness in Northampton County and bring back dignity, humanity and reason. God Bless you and your crusaders for Hope.

Sanctifying Grace said...

To the Most Reverend Bernie O'Hare,

Lunch may have to wait for an extra few days. I have been blessed with a plethora of snow. Raincheck?

the most lowly of his servants,
Peace be with you, ~~~alex+

Anonymous said...

The Bible warns about the false clergy who are more prepared to lead their congregation to hell then paradise ...

Anonymous said...

Bernie, if you pay $50 you can be a Bishop!

Anonymous said...

well he hasn't done anything wrong .... if he's ordained or not really doesn't matter at least to me ... he's been working hard for a good cause .

Anonymous said...

Keep your eye on the ball Bernie, not the wind up.

This guy is nothing but a distraction. The petition drive is the work of the unions and Dems who opposed Stoffa.

Anonymous said...

This is the promise of the Internet fulfilled. In a single evening, I was able to join the clergy, enlarge my penis, and gain half of Bill Gate's fortune by simply forwarding an email to 30 friends. Congratulations, Bernie, on your special achievement.

Sandra Walters Weiss said...

I too have known people other than,my friend the Rev.Equal Opportunity Offender who received an online document and they actually married people!
For heaven's sake is this all you folks have to squabble about,There are folks out there who are "real" ministers and they don't go around with megaphones announcing their good deeds. Maybe they have cabin fever from the plethora (thanks Alex)
of snow or maybe too much egg nog.

peace SWW

Bernie O'Hare said...

"Congratulations, Bernie, on your special achievement."

Thanks. I'm shooting for Bishop next.

Bernie O'Hare said...

"Bernie, if you pay $50 you can be a Bishop!"

For $50, they'd have to make me pope.

Bernie O'Hare said...

"Lunch may have to wait for an extra few days."

Fr. Alex, Hope to see you. Tomorrow? Wednesday?

Anonymous said...

Pope is $100.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Tempting. I could excommunicate a shitload of people and claim everything I write is ex cathedra.

Anonymous said...

Bernie you may buy a "Popeship" on line(lol) but all the money in the world still won't get you into heaven. Your dishonorable deeds have blocked your path. You and your buddy will spend eternity in a very warm place i'm sure.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Looks like all my friends will be there. I'd much rather be with them than some anonymous coward.

Anonymous said...

When Bernie O'Hare and Ron Angle and their buddy father alex are for something you know God is on the other side.

These so-called decent "men", continue to attack the good Reverend for doing God's work.

I guess having your license to practice law taken away for bilking a poor person qualifies you to attack a man trying to help the elderly poor of Northampton County.

A job that has been abdicated by those currently in office. None of them ran on dumping Gracedale but they will definitely be held accountable at the next election. For that and for voting for a bigoted, misogynist anti-semite as Council President.

Peace be with you as well

Clem said...

Anonymous said...
Bernie, if you pay $50 you can be a Bishop!

9:09 AM

And for $300 the Pope will say that 20 year marriage and those five kids never happened.

Infallibility, you know. Syphillis, pedophilia, money laundering and all.

Anonymous said...

People please allow Bernie to slam the "Fake" Rev
You all realize Martinez
shoved ahead of Bernie at the courthouse the Fake rev deserves what he gets for that one

Anonymous said...

Ok, poll time:

What do you think is worse?

A) A "fake" Rev.
B) A questionable "father"
C) Having a friend in jail for child porn.
D) A disbarred attorney?

Please...only one vote per person.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:59, beautiful. Post of the week!

Anonymous said...

Sorry Bernie, George Costanza hit me up for the Human Fund donation at the office we work together at Kruger Industries