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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Pawlowski Teaches Civics to Third Graders

Allentown Mayor Ed Pawlowski visited McKinley Elementary School on Monday, ostensibly to teach social studies to third graders. That's according to one of the two or three links that actually work on Allentown's web page.

“Some of my favorite moments as mayor of this city involve interaction with our students,” said Pawlowski. “I look forward to my talk with the children and the opportunity to answer their questions,” the mayor added.

But an insider - a cub blogger - gave me the inside scoop on what really happened. Once Pawlowski got the teacher to step outside, he bolted the door shut and told these eight year olds to empty their pockets.

"It's 'pay to play' time, kids! That's how government works. You give me your lunch money, and I tell teach you were great. Those of you who give me the most will see that on your next report card. And if any of you little brats stiff me, you'll be in third grade a long time."

"Praise be Jeebus!"

After collecting $17.81, Pawlowski moved on to his next social studies lesson.

"Ok, kids, now it's gentrification time .... "

- "What's that, Mayor Ed?," asked Julio.

"Call me Mayor Pastor Ed, please. Julio, you see Pedro over there? I want you two to hold hands. Praise the Lord! See Maragarita? Join hands with her, too. See that white boy in the back with his fly open? Yes, the one picking his nose. Take him, too. You can use his other hand. Now I want you all to step inside the cloak room."

"Michael, I want you and little Lee to make a sign that says "Bus Station" and tape it on top of the cloak room."

"Now, look at who's left! Just us pretty people!"

-"But Mayor, is that really fair to Pedro and his friends?" asked Scotty.

Some of the kids looked scared, but Mayor Pastor Pawlowski just laughed.

"Don't worry, kids. This is America, where people have the right to question their leaders. Scotty, did I tell you you have a French Poodle face and your voice sounds like a squirrel. Where are you from, the boonies?"

-"Good one!" laughed the rest of the kids.

-"Scottie's a squirrel from the boonies. Scottie's a squirrel from the boonies." The kids kept singing that until Scotty ran into the cloak room with the others.

"That's great, kids! You're one of my best classes ever. Always be sure to make fun of whoever criticizes you. Now let's get down on our knees and pray to Jeebus and thank Him for saving us. Don't any of you little monsters go to the Life Church? That's Allentown's official religion."

Someone said something from the cloak room, but no one could hear.

Update: Holy shit! The Morning Call actually published a big story about Mayor Ed's visit to McKinley. Isn't that nice? There's a picture and everything.


Blah Society said...


Blah Society said...


Chris Casey said...

I hope you don't plan to park that ratty jeep of yours in A-town, they'll tow you in a bird dog minute!

michael molovinsky said...

in today's paper mayor ed tells the kids he's most proud of our new buildings; they are not our buildings, they belong to butz, fegley, williams, nic z,

in todays weekly editorial feature, entitled in praise of ed, ed gets credit for questioning a recent retiree's pension claim of 110 hours overtime. i believe the actual contract is based on the last 30 days, but more important, why doesn't the administration and police dept. make sure those who have one foot out the door do not heap on the extra hours in that last month?

Angie Villa said...

Very Funny! I love the way the mayor promotes bullying and religion at the same time.

I used to teach at McKinley. It's a very old building. I wonder if the mayor's kids go to McKinley, or do they attend the private Grace Montessori school downtown?

Anonymous said...

Bernie -

Stop bashing Ed!

As an Allentown taxpayer I am proud of the Mayor and the job he is doing.

I remain more than happy to forsake inconsequential items like an adequately staffed police force so that the Mayor could add more bureaucrats in City Hall - such as the Managing Director position to take over some of the Mayor's duties.

This has allowed the Mayor to focus on the "big picture" items like talking to our third-graders and holding fundraisers for his re-election campaign.

Special thanks to the Morning Call for their ongoing support of our Mayor that allows him to continue to wreak havoc on our city. I'm certainly glad he was speaking to third graders instead of checking whether police overtime was being properly monitored.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Sorry. I'll go to the cloakroom now.

Anonymous said...

I love these comical interludes. The question is... how much fiction goes into your so called serious postings. How can anyone actually know what is fact or fiction? I feel we must all look at a simple blog with a grain of salt as it may or not acually really be as it appears.

Anonymous said...

The mayor sends one of his kids to McKinley and one to Grace.

Bernie O'Hare said...

Anon 10:47,

Sadly, there is often more truth in my fictional posts than the serious ones.

What you get here is one person's view - no editor, no filter. When I post seriously, i do make mistakes. I try to get the facts right and use links to substantiate sources, but I make mistakes. I will correct a mistake with an update or even a new post. Usually, it's not my facts that are in dispute. It's my opinions.

But still, you should take me with a few grains of salt, not just one. I'm no pro. We are no replacement for the MSM.

addicted said...

Gee, must be nice, no one's accusing you of ripping off the Call, Bernie, you must be blessed!

Bernie O'Hare said...


If you want to get all technical, my story actually preceded the MCall story by a few hours. I got the idea by looking at the few links on the city website that actually work. But if you focus on trhe Flouridated water story, you got me.

addicted said...

kidding Bernie, Kidding!

Bernie O'Hare said...

You still got me, but it's on the story about those pensions.

Anonymous said...

Won't be long and Ed will be getting $100,000+ to talk to school children, do power point presentations and hold propaganda press releases. His "vision for Ed's future" and "for moving Ed forward" is looking pretty well planned out.