My Arms Are Ready to Fall Off

For the past 11 months, I've been exercising quite a bit. I've been doing it all wrong, too. I tried running, and got sciatica. Then I tried walking, and got sciatica. I'd walk around like Quasimodo, screaming about the bells. Then I discovered the arc trainer, which allows me to push hard without injury. Though my racing days are over, I have lost a ton or two. But I have now discovered that even that is wrong.

When I exercise, I spend about 90% of my time doing cardio, 9.99% stretching and working on my core and about 0.01% on upper body. But that's all wrong. According to some stupid study done by Harvard, middle-aged men who can do 40 or more push-ups are 30 times less likely to get a heart attack than those who can only do 10.

Our findings provide evidence that push-up capacity could be an easy, no-cost method to help assess cardiovascular disease risk in almost any setting. Surprisingly, push-up capacity was more strongly associated with cardiovascular disease risk than the results of sub-maximal treadmill tests.

What?

Ok, so I tested myself yesterday. I'm an old fart, but I could always do pushups. On my first try, I did 21. I waited a little while and tried again. 11. Then I waited some more and said I really am stronger than this. 3.

About an hour later, my arms could barely pick up my cell phone as I got a message from an old-fart friend who decided to try it.

He did 41.

Bastard.