WFMZ-TV69 Business Matters Show on Fake News Tonight - Honest!

This was shortly before Browning lunged at poor Martin Till.
Till claims to be special forces, but Browning is from Ky. 

This time last Monday, I told you that WFMZ-TV69's Business Matters' would be kicking off its new season that very night at 7:30 pm. I told you it would be a show on Fake News, hosted by Tony Iannelli and starring me (and three other completely forgettable guys.) As it happens, my report to you was Fake News. The new season actually starts tonight. WFMZ, which prides itself on being family-oriented, wanted to wait until all the guests were released from the hospital.

One of them, Dean Browning, had his jaw wired shut. I can't remember whether it was I or Tony who did that. He may never speak again.

Before you get worked up over my violent actions, I want you to know every guest signed a release in advance. Besides, Dean had it coming. He was kicking Martin Till's bald head like a soccer ball and screaming, "G-0-A-L-L-L-L!."

It's the first time I've ever seen Martin Till's head used for anything.

Till was released from the hospital late last week. It took doctors that long to realize there really is nothing in there.

Some of the show's technical crew were hospitalized as well. During one of the breaks, Ron Angle crashed the studio and did a strip tease Most of them have now decided to take a vow of celibacy.

Police were called in to make arrests, but we're all white. I told them Tony Phillips was at Bucky Boyle Park, so they rushed over there.

Do you think I'm giving you fake news? You'll just have to tune in.