“Some of my favorite moments as mayor of this city involve interaction with our students,” said Pawlowski. “I look forward to my talk with the children and the opportunity to answer their questions,” the mayor added.
But an insider - a cub blogger - gave me the inside scoop on what really happened. Once Pawlowski got the teacher to step outside, he bolted the door shut and told these eight year olds to empty their pockets.
"It's 'pay to play' time, kids! That's how government works. You give me your lunch money, and I tell teach you were great. Those of you who give me the most will see that on your next report card. And if any of you little brats stiff me, you'll be in third grade a long time."
"Praise be Jeebus!"
After collecting $17.81, Pawlowski moved on to his next social studies lesson.
"Ok, kids, now it's gentrification time .... "
- "What's that, Mayor Ed?," asked Julio.
"Call me Mayor Pastor Ed, please. Julio, you see Pedro over there? I want you two to hold hands. Praise the Lord! See Maragarita? Join hands with her, too. See that white boy in the back with his fly open? Yes, the one picking his nose. Take him, too. You can use his other hand. Now I want you all to step inside the cloak room."
"Michael, I want you and little Lee to make a sign that says "Bus Station" and tape it on top of the cloak room."
"Now, look at who's left! Just us pretty people!"
-"But Mayor, is that really fair to Pedro and his friends?" asked Scotty.
Some of the kids looked scared, but Mayor Pastor Pawlowski just laughed.
"Don't worry, kids. This is America, where people have the right to question their leaders. Scotty, did I tell you you have a French Poodle face and your voice sounds like a squirrel. Where are you from, the boonies?"
-"Good one!" laughed the rest of the kids.
-"Scottie's a squirrel from the boonies. Scottie's a squirrel from the boonies." The kids kept singing that until Scotty ran into the cloak room with the others.
"That's great, kids! You're one of my best classes ever. Always be sure to make fun of whoever criticizes you. Now let's get down on our knees and pray to Jeebus and thank Him for saving us. Don't any of you little monsters go to the Life Church? That's Allentown's official religion."
Someone said something from the cloak room, but no one could hear.