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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Monday, March 14, 2022

Mr. Toad is On The Loose - Upper Mount Bethel's Institute Road Partially Closed

Northampton County has issued a news release to warn that a portion of Institute Road, located in Upper Mount Bethel Tp, will be closed to automobiles for the next month or so. Officially, the reason for this is to protect frogs, toads and lizards who cross at night without looking both ways. That's garbage, As anyone who's read Wind in the Willows knows, the real reason is to protect the public from the entirely menacing antics of Mr. Toad. He lives in retirement along Institute Rd. He's a good-natured fellow, but has a rather nasty habit of stealing motorcars and then smashing them beyond recognition. He's squandered fis family fortune paying off multiple claims. 

Mr Toad had been serving a 20-year sentence imposed by Judge Morganelli, who described Mr. Toad as an "incorrigible rogue and hardened ruffian whom we see cowering in the dock before us." Judge Morganelli told Mr. Toad that if he ever saw him again, on any charge whatsoever, he would deal with him very harshly.

Despite being hauled off by the myrmidons of the law, Mr., Toad was furloughed during the pandemic because of a warts outbreak at the jail.  

So the closure of Institute Road, ostensibly as a crossing for amphibians and  other creatures  who live in the nearby swamps, is actually intended to keep Mr. Toad away from cars. 

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I heard they post signs saying "Frog Parking Only - All Others Will Be Toad."

Anonymous said...

Ron Angle is a Toad?

C said...

Thanks for the morning humor!

Anonymous said...

You need to re read the story to know that Mr. Toad was exonerated of all charges with real guilt pointed to a gang of weasels. Besides in the story, Toad gives up his car in favor of an airplane. Toad Hall re5urns to its rightful owner.

Anonymous said...

Pedestrians be warned, as well. Walking on toad stools leaves toad shit on your shoes.

Anonymous said...

Toads go both ways? Can you say that in Florida?

Anonymous said...

Coming out of a township run by a buffoon who thinks he is Santa Claus without a brain and a the three stooges of Slim Shady's like Birmingham, Due and world class circus clown Bob Teel!

Anonymous said...

AHAH, I TOAD YOU SO. I just hope I don't croak on my words.

Anonymous said...

Hey, this post was toadally funny. ����

Anonymous said...

So much horniness up there. If you drop your keys in UMBT, it's best to kick them all the way out of the township before attempting to pick them up. I won't tell you how I know. ;-\

Anonymous said...

Big week for toads.

https://www.france24.com/en/live-news/20220316-ecuadoran-toad-breaks-its-silence-after-100-years