Friday, July 13, 2012
Team Ireland Nearly Ejected From Bethlehem Planning Comm'n
Yesterday, I rode my BUV (bike utility vehicle) all the way from Easton to Bethlehem to cover a Planning Commission meeting, making it with one minute to spare. That's dedication. I braved the heat, the traffic, the dust of a bike path, and several 50,000' hills, just to cover that meeting.
I was dressed, appropriately in shorts and my bright green Team Ireland Jersey. That way, I would not get plastered by some driver who might mistake me for a bottom-feeding blogger. Besides, that's how people in Bethlehem dress. They wear berets and kilts and shit like that.
In Easton, it's African MuMus from the King of Ga. In Bethlehem, it's utilikilts and berets.
So Jim Fiorentino, who chairs the Planning Commission, spots me. Instead of complimenting me for saving the planet, as he should, he wants to know where my frickin' pants are. Then he starts raggin' on me about my very stylish Jersey, claiming he's going to throw me out.
"I would think you'd at least have an appropriate shirt," he huffed.
And that bastard had no socks! Just shoes. Who the hell walks around with no socks, anyway? Is that supposed to be cool?
I ignored him and walked into some cramped meeting room, where there were about 1,000 people. We had to use that room because the Bethlehem Authority was using the Town Hall for a meeting with about three people.
Finally, I was able to plop my ass down.
"You're sitting in my seat!" roared developer Ed Novak, and so I was. I apparently sat right on his pens and some were still sticking in my ass. Good ones, too. Mont Blanc. Didn't even feel them.
No problem. I got up and sat in a seat on the other side of the room.
"You're sitting in my seat!" roared planning maven Al Bernotas, and so I was. I apparently sat on a few of his golf balls and tees. Al plucked them out.
While this is going on, Jim Fiorentino is saying, "I'll entertain a motion to eject Mr. O'Hare."
I was ready to sit on a windowsill when Patch editor Daryl Nerl had mercy on me and cleared a spot for me next to him.
Fiorentino's motion failed, but it was a close vote.