A Republican Dr. Seuss

One of my conservative friends constantly sends me emails trying to convert me, kinda' like the Moonies. I enjoy them mostly because of their good humor, something in very short supply among the preachy Obamaphiles.

Let me share this Dr. Seuss poem, forwarded by my well-heeled blueblood friend (or one of his servants) while I was at home, trying to figure how to break into his house without setting off his alarms.

I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like his health care scam.

I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals,

I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this speaker Nan ,

I do not like this 'YES WE CAN'.

I do not like this spending spree,

I'm smart, I know that nothing's free,

I do not like your smug replies, when I complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope.

I do not like it. nope, nope, nope!

Dent, Beyer & Corbett Snubbed by LV Conservative Voice

LV Congressman Charlie Dent, Pennsylvania AG Tom Corbett and State Rep. Karen Beyer were all snubbed at Friday night's Lehigh Valley Conservative Voice's candidates' night, appropriately conducted on April Fool's Day. I was told this was a night for outsiders, but gubernatorial candidate Sam Rohrer (R), an 18-year veteran of the state house, was the headline speaker. So there goes that theory.

In reality, it was a night to shun the more moderate, i.e. reasonable, members of the Republican Party.

Unelected Tea Party leader Joe Hilliard was very importantly getting up every three seconds to adjust his debtclock power point, which was completely unreadable but looked very impressive. And the Queen of the LV Tea Party, Kim Schmidtner, was allowed to give a speech excoriating Republicans who are willing to work with Democrats as a "cancer."

Rank and file Republicans pretty much ignored this event, as they should. Attendance was only around 70-80, less than half the number that came to the last open event.

No time for questions.

I'll tell you about the speakers tomorrow.

Ironically, the person who impressed me most isn't running for anything. Retired LC Controller Peter Shaffer spoke quietly, yet very effectively, about the importance of educating voters. He explained this PAC was initially set up to fund conservative candidates, but after seeing only $1.47 in the till a few months ago, they decided to focus on education.

"That's how we roll at Conservative Voice."

Peter, when you snub some candidates while promoting others, you fail to educate voters.

LV Conservative Voice's April Fool's Prank

Last time I attended a meeting of Lehigh Valley Conservative Voice, I won a fruit basket. But after my latest post about our LV Tea Party, I'll probably be pelted with tomatoes. If you see me, pretend you don't know me.

They're hosting a candidates' night tonight (6 PM) at the Scottish Rite Center (1544 Hamilton Street in Allentown). Here's a breakdown of tonight's illuminati:

Sam Rohrer-candidate for governor: This is a a Bob Jones University grad who actually told a Chester County judge that nobody needs a license to drive unless he's a commercial truck driver. That's precisely the same argument used by The Posse Comitatus, which believes no legitimate form of government exists above the county level; and the sovereign citizen movement, which argues citizens are only subject to common or constitutional law.

Mat Benol - Congressional wannabe: Mat has recently filed a Petition with the Supreme Court, demanding them to lay the smackdown on the federal government for exceeding the 17 specific powers they are granted. He also argues that any aid to "illegal immigrants constitutes harboring a fugitive and is a criminal act." So look out, Emergency Room nurses! You're going to the hoosegow. You'll never believe this, but the Supremes returned Mat's petition. He overruled them and refiled it.

Jake Towne - another Congressional wannabe: I wonder how all the vets in the audience will feel when Jake tells them that we are bogged down in an "unconstitutional war of aggression" in Afghanistan or that we are a "military empire" with "imperial" tendencies. He predicts our defeat in Afghanistan. Maybe he'll forget.

Kim Schmidtner - Queen of the LV Tea Party: She holds her current position by Divine Right but is nevertheless one of tonight's featured speakers, and in her capacity as Queen of the Tea Party. This is no nonpartisan gathering. You won't see Joe Brennan or John Callahan dropping by or even the more centrist Republicans. Her public appearance with this PAC is a tacit endorsement of conservatives and rejection of everyone else. That's political activity.

I'll say this much for Lehigh Valley Conservative Voice. They sure knew who to invite on April Fools' Day. These are the people who force centrist Republicans to the right, just as Moveon forces centrist Democrats to the left. The net result is more extremism, instead of people who are willing to work together.

Morning Call Story Inspires Conservative Pundits to New Heights

Jarrett Renshaw's Morning Call story about the war between an aspiring Eagle Scout and Allentown's largest municipal union, has hit the big time. Apparently, clearing a walking path in an east Allentown park is a function that can only be performed by Service Employees International Union members. A union rep actually whined to City Council, and Jarrett had an interesting story contrasting altruism and greed.

Because it casts unions in a rather poor light, right wing pundits are having a field day. Glenn Beck featured the story on his nationally broadcast television show. Here's a sampling of the conservative chatter.

Michelle Malkin: SEIU thugs vs. the Boy Scouts

Moonbattery: Union Goons Go After Aspiring Eagle Scout

National Review Online: Is There a Merit Badge for Strikebreaking? -- By: Stephen Spruiell

Fox News Radio: The Only Good Hoe…

Some, like Malkin, blame Barack Obama. Why the hell not?

LV Conservative Voice Gives Me a Fruit Basket

I was going to spend a quiet evening at home, throwing hatchets into the wall, until I remembered that Lehigh Valley Conservative Voice (LVCV) was having some sort of public meeting last night. Figuring this was my chance to load up on "cigars, cognac and fine wine," I bolted over to Allentown's Scottish Rite Center.

As everyone knows, the Scottish Rite is actually some sort of secret society bent on world domination. It includes the Gettys, Rotschilds, Vatican, Queen Elizabeth, George Foreman and Scott Armstrong. Shawn Millan is their evil henchman, and sure enough, he was the first person I saw when I entered the belly of the beast. He had local Republican Julian Stolz strapped to the rack, and was yelling as I slipped past him.

"Talk, Stolz! Did you ever vote for a Democrat, yes or no?"

"No."

"You lie!"

Shawn turned the crank a little and poor Julian broke down.

"Alright, alright, I admit it. I voted for Sam Bennett. She has nice hair."

Shawn laughed maniacally, and cranked the rack a little more.

It's nice to see someone who really loves his job.

I decided to disguise myself instead of telling this horde of nearly two hundred meat-eating, gun-toting conservatives that a pinko was in their midst. So when I got my name tag, I carefully scrawled "Barack Obama." That should fool those knuckledraggers.

Unfortunately, Joe Hilliard blew my cover almost immediately. "Hey Bernie, nice to see you. You and Barack Obama have the same initials and you both stink." Right after that, Scott Armstrong grabbed me and said, "You're paying for your food."

"Rightyo, Scott, rightyo."

That's why I was there. I was expecting a buffet of lobster and filet mignon and whatever else it is that Republicans eat. Maybe freedom fries. But all I saw were chicken mcnuggets and watermelon. What is up with that? Obviously, this was intended as some sort of racist slur.

Let me tell you, it was a veritable who's who of local conservatives. In addition to the players I've already mentioned, I saw Vic Mazziotti, John Hinkle, Lou Hershman, Dave Shoemaker, Glenn Eckhart, Dawn Berrigan, Bill Hall, Dave Balliet, Bill Platt, Dr. Bob Romancheck and Mike Schware. I also finally met affable Allentown City Council candidate Joe Brudnak.

Former Northampton County Council member Nick Sabatine told this collection of conservatives they need to work within the Republican pary. Third party efforts will fail. He should know. He organized the Patriot Party in Pennsylvania and ultimately became its national chair. Although his party included people as varied as Klansmen and Communists, it has evaporated. Nick explained why. "Ultimately, people will not vote for a third party candidate because they can't win. They can only make a point."

Last night's keynote speaker was Lehigh County Exec candidate Scott Ott, who delivered a lengthy but stirring speech. At his most eloquent, he derided real estate taxes as the "most pernicious form of taxation out there," noting their impact on seniors with fixed incomes. "We owe them an explanation of what we do with their money. You think we pay sheriffs to take care of you. But we pay them to take away your home. ... Is it too much to ask that our government show a little restraint and cut spending at this time?" Ott claims that incumbent Exec Don Cunningham has "backed himself into a corner," which means a tax increase or spending cuts next year.

"You lie!" I was ready to shout, but Millan was a little too close and had already turned poor Julian Stolz into an NBA player. So I ate some watermelon.

Ott received a standing ovation from an obviously friendly crowd. The closing ceremonies included a raffle drawing, followed by some waterboarding videos. The fruit basket was won by a person Scott Armstrong called the "biggest fruit in the room." Me.

Those damn Republicans can't win anything.

Now I completely disagree with most of what I heard last night. I believe government exists to help people who can't help themselves, while these folks tend to view government as our worst enemy. But I still left feeling really good inside. Despite occasional digs that were more humorous than insulting, we both want to help people. There was none of the partisan rancor that has made dialogue impossible. We just have different approaches.

There's a New Blog in Town

Lehigh Valley Conservative is actually much more than a blog. It's a political action committee promoting limited government. It will start things off right this Thursday with a 6 PM meeting at Allentown's Scottish Rite Center, 1540 W Hamilton Street. Isn't that anti-American? Scott Armstrong is bringing the haggis, followed by a bagpipe duet featuring Glenn Eckhart and Dean Browning.

Blog authors so far include two well known local conservative voices - the Allentown Commentator's Scott Armstrong and former Morning Call columnist Don Hoffman. In his latest post, Scott worries that President Obama may soon be compared to former Allentown Mayor Roy Afflerbach.

Was Afflerbach born in Kenya, too?

These guys may claim they're trying to get money, but I think they're hoping to pick up babes.

Ann Coulter: An Embarrassment to Conservatives

Bill Clinton? Latent homosexual. Al Gore? "Total fag." And now, "conservative" pundit Ann Coulter says this.

I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’ so I — so kind of an impasse, can’t really talk about Edwards.

Just when I thought she couldn't be any nastier, ... .

Are You a Commie Pinko or a Goosestepper?

PaProgressive is a commie pinko. GreenDog is, well, a GreenDog. I took PaPro's stupid test. He "liberated" the poll from Blue State, just like a socialist. My results are below. Hope you do better!

You are a Social Liberal (81% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (18% permissive) You are best described as a: WingNut with a strange sexual attraction to parakeets! Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test