Gary Asteak Down on the Farm

Gary Astteak, down on the farm.

You may think of him as a flamboyant criminal defense attorney, known to wear cowboy boots and Stetsons in court. Others know him as a brilliant municipal solicitor who provided legal advice to Township Supervisors when they still conducted their meetings in German. But did you know that Gary Asteak is also a farmer? He and his wife own and operate Filetown Farms in Bushkill Township. And Asteak is walking on air this week because their produce won blue ribbons at the prestigious Plainfield Farmers' Fair.

At this time last year, Gary Asteak was ripping a Nazareth police officer to shreds in what has become known as StickerGate. He, Phil Lauer and Mark Minotti made up a Northampton County Legal Defense Dream Team who defended the infamous Sticker Gang. Their despicable crime, you might recall, was placing tiny FT ("Fire Trachta") stickers throughout the tiny borough. Chief Thomas Trachta, never known for a sense of humor, had the trio perp-walked in front of news reporters. They dropped their prom coverage for the story. He even tried to involve the feds. Of course the trio was acquitted, Trachta who had refused to shake hands with Asteak, was admonished to "suck it up cupcake."

Blue ribbon kale

But one thing Asteak never mentioned is his interest in farming.

"All I have to do is battle nature," he tells me, which has to be a little harder than his wars with police chiefs

He started out as a beekeeper, and is now up to four hives. They never sting him.

"Professional courtesy," he tells me.

He also has begun raising free-range heritage chickens, along with one hen-pecked bantam rooster. His family was in the poultry business for three generations, so I suspect Gary knows his chickens.

But his favorite is the garden. His wife gets the credit for the blue ribbon kohlrabi, which is great in salads and slaws. He gets the prize for kale, which the Irish mash with potatoes to make Colcannon.

This is a kohlrabi.

Holiday Wishes From Gary Asteak

Last summer, Easton attorney Gary Asteak caused quite a stir when he stopped by Nazareth's Martin guitar celebration. Lots of folks thought he was Willie Nelson, and not one of Northampton County's finest criminal defense attorneys.

In Gary's latest holiday card, he's posed by the remains of some bastard too cheap to hire him.

Easton's Seizure Law, Aimed at Prostitution, Faces Unhappy Ending

Flamboyant Easton attorney Gary Asteak, one of Northampton County's finest criminal defense lawyers, could probably earn a living as a celebrity look-a-like. He discovered this in his younger years, during a holiday out West. The hotel he was staying kept giving him outstanding treatment, like chocolate on his pillows and complimentary bottles of wine. Only when he was leaving did he learn that the manager was convinced that Gary was actually Frank Zappa.

Last month, it happened again.

A few years older, Gary's appearance at Nazareth's Martin guitar celebration sparked rumors that Willie Nelson was in the house.

In reality, Asteak is one of the sharpest legal minds in the Lehigh Valley, with a particular fondness for constitutional arguments and underdogs. Last year, Gary represented a libertarian who outraged the tender sensitivities of Washington Township police by flying his flag upside down. When his client was charged with insulting the American flag, Gary asked, "How the hell do you insult the American flag? What do you do, walk up to it and start cursing?"

The charges were dismissed.

Gary is also the attorney who, pro bono, represented a skaterboarder cited by Nazareth police for doing stunts in the unused portion of a basketball court.

The charges were dismissed.

Beginning to see a pattern?

Yesterday, Asteak challenged Easton's Seizure and Forfeiture Ordinance, enacted in July to stop johns from cruisin' the streets, looking for working girls. If caught, the john's car is taken. That should put a damper on the world's oldest profession, eh?

Asteak's lawsuit attacks the ordinance for four basic reasons.

First, it is preempted by state laws that already address the offense of soliciting prostitutes.

Second, taking someone's car away for a minor offense in many cases deprives that person of his livelihood. For that reason, seizure is cruel and unusual punishment. It is "grossly disproportional to the gravity of the offense."

Third, cars are being seized without notice or a prompt post-seizure hearing, and that violates due process. According to the ordinance itself, "Seizure without process may be made." What's even worse, it's up to the officer's discretion whether that car should actually be seized, which leads to uneven enforcement. Former Palmer top cop Nick DiVietro, who amazingly solicited an undercover cop at age 81, is already a beneficiary of this discretion. His Crown Victoria was returned.

Isn't that nice?

Finally, there is no real nexus between the crime and the vehicles seized. The vehicle is incidental, not instrumental, in the commission of the offense.

Gary's client is going to have a happy ending, just not the one he was expecting.

Gary Asteak: Easton Can't Seize Johns' Cars

Here's a shocker.

Prominent constitutional law attorney Gary Asteak today challenged Easton's recently enacted seizure and forfeiture ordinance, under which cops have been confiscating the cars of johns on the prowl for street hookers.

I'll have details tomorrow. First, I'm going to interview a few hookers.

Was Willie Nelson at Nazareth's Musikfest?

Word on the street is that one of the guitar pickers at Nazareth's Musikfest was none other than Willie Nelson. I'm told he even snuck into the Bushkill carnival to see the lion and tiger show.

Oh, my!

Nelson has used a Martin guitar for over thirty years, but he was performing in Memphis on Saturday. People may have Willie mixed up with criminal defense lawyer Gary Asteak. Gary was in Nazarerth on Saturday night, looking one hell of a lot like Willie.

Flying Flag Upside Down Results in Criminal Charges in Washington Township

Washington Township police officer Scott E Miller filed criminal charges on June 11, 2007 against a Washington Township man for insulting the American flag. Easton lawyer Gary Asteak asks me the following question: "How the hell do you insult the American flag? What do you do, walk up to it and start cursing?"

The following are excerpts from Officer Miller's lengthy affidavit of probable cause:

On May 30, 2007, this officer spoke with complainant, ... who wanted to report an individual who was flying the American Flag upside down.

[The complainant] had been driving ... with her family, which included four children and husband Scott, who is currently serving active duty with the Army. [Complainant] went on further to state that she comes from a military family and this was a very disturbing and insulting revelation that her family had observed, ie The American Flag flying upside down.

This officer advised her that this officer would speak to [the Defendant] and request that he remove the flag and/or fly it properly. On May 30, 2007, at approximately 1100 hrs., this officer went to [Defendant's] residence of which nobody was at home. This officer obtained three digital photos of The American Flag flying upside down on the property ... for report/investigative purposes.

This officer then left a phone message for [Defendant] in regard to the upside down US Flag. Shortly thereafter, [Defendant] returned the phone call leaving a voice message for this officer. [Defendant] indicated on the message that his purpose for flying the flag upside down is due to this country (USA) being in distress due to President Bush, Nancy Pelosi and all the other democratic politicians. He further stated that he would not remove the flag or fly it properly.

This officer then contacted [Complainant], and advised her of what [Defendant] had said. She requested this officer to further investigate the matter and determine if any charges could be pursued against [Defendant]. She was informed that this officer would look into the matter further.

June 9, 2007---After researching the above information, this officer concluded that [Defendant] is in violation of The PA Crimes Code, ... Insults to National or Commonwealth Flag. This officer also researched the Flag Code ... . Specifically [the Flag Code] states: The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property. It further notes that this pertains to active duty personnel.

Upon obtaining this information, [Complainant] was asked if she wanted to pursue the matter further as the complainant in criminal charges being filed against [Defendant]. [Complainant] indicated that she and her husband, Scott wanted to pursue the matter and they would complete a written statement to the facts of the case. This officer received this written statement on June 11, 2007.

June 11, 2007 @ 1600hrs.---This officer contacted [Defendant] and advised him of the written complaint ... . He was once again asked to either remove the flag or fly it properly, or he may be subject to criminal actions based upon this officers' investigation. [Defendant] stated he is flying the US Flag upside down because our country is in distress due to the politicians and that it is not personally against our troops in Iraq. He was informed that although the upside down flag is an accurate form of distress for active military personnel, him flying it upside down due to his anger over the current administration is not the proper form of the flag flying upside down, and that his actions are criminal in nature. [Defendant] then advised this officer to do what was necessary and if need be, he will take this matter to the US Supreme Court, because he will not take it down or fly it properly.

June 11, 2007 @ 1630hrs.---[Defendant] came to WTPD and requested a copy of the US Flag Code ... along with a copy of PA Crimes Code section 2103 ... .

June 12, 2007---This officer obtained four photos of the upside down US Flag that resides on the property of [Defendant], which borders the public roadway. While photographing the flag, [Defendant] came out and spoke to this officer. He was still refusing to remove the flag or fly it properly. Therefore, [Defendant] was advised that charges will be filed again him.

And so they were. On June 21, 2007, this Washington Township resident was charged with a second degree misdemeanor. He retained Gary Asteak, and was ready to slug it out in court. But the DA was not. He dumped the case. Good for him.

Instead of spending all his time reading the Crimes and Flag Code, he should take a gander at this thing called the First Amendment. It's not too long and doesn't contain any big words. "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Now he can return to harassing skateboarders.